I do live in the US, and I really enjoy my area. There's an abundance of nearby outdoor rock climbing and snowboarding, both of which I'm very skilled at. I have a well-paying tech job, no debt, not much baggage, blue eyes. I think my biggest deterrent for women is that I'm somewhat short and have a slight receding hairline, which is apparently enough to detract from all my positives.

I've lived in the Midwest before and it's worse there, partly because I couldn't practice my sports which kept me out of shape, partly because it was even harder finding like-minded friends, in part because I don't like regular sports. I would definitely consider moving out of country if that opportunity ever came up.

> And women don't want a man that they have to "guide" anyway. They want to attach themselves to a guy who's got his sh*t together and knows what he wants.

This leads into what I consider unrecognized female privilege. From what I can tell, women have a pretty big list of superficial expectations from their partners, and are really quick to dismiss those who don't fall into place. They also gave an abundance of interested suitors who they can sort through until they find they one they way. Me on the other hand, I'm lucky to find someone interested in me who even passes my most basic tests.

Equality in dating doesn't exist and it's highly skewed in favor of women.

There's not really a humble way to say this. As an attractive man who has his shit together and makes good money, I have zero issues with dating and if anything I feel more in control of the situation than the women I meet.

The issue is likely that you're not very attractive or you're setting your standards too high for the women you pursue.

I'm convinced it's mostly my height and lack of friends. I'm not particularly handsome but I'm definitely not ugly.

As for standards, why should we settle for less than an equal version of ourselves? Same height, education, looks, strength, ability, finances, etc.? In my experience, women almost exclusively "date up".

My unkind but honest assessment given the evidence is you're over rating how attractive you are, both physically and socially. The good news you can fix both a lot. Hit the gym, get jacked, make a lot of friends. Most anyone can do it. Also if your hair sucks just embrace it and shave it off and grow an awesome beard. And accept that any woman taller than you is probably not interested.

I appreciate the help, and you're not wrong about many things. However I think I'm fairly aware of my attractiveness, I'm just sad the country uses shallow metrics for attraction. This country is keen on glorifying narcissism and exclusion rather than humility and inclusion, and that's not now I grew up. I'd rather give my love away than play stupid social games.

I'm athletically fit and don't have any intentions of bulking up. I'm at the climbing gym a few times a week, and climb outdoors a few times a month. Multi-pitch, trad, free-solo, whatever.

The biggest challenge, and the entire reason I started commenting here, is that finding friends is hard. Chatting someone up is easy, but getting a new person to take time out of their schedule to hang out with you is really difficult.

Also, as my username combined with what else I've said might imply, I'm a transgender woman. I really thought dating women as a woman would be harder after transitioned, because most women are straight.

But the confidence benefits were huge enough that my dating life is actually a lot better. I only online dated before then, and after, I can go to (queer) bars and pick up girls and bring them home. I still have the problem that I mentioned in my other reply, that it's really hard to get people to stay (I say "people will go to bed with me, but they won't wake up with me")

I don't think you're transgender (and if you are, that's a separate discussion), but the lesson I draw from this is that you are better off if you maximize the things that naturally interest you rather than trying to be someone you're not. Snowboarding and rock climbing are both great contexts to meet people in. If you are confident and in your element there, you'll probably attract people much better than if you put a lot of effort into trying to be someone you're not.

I also have the somewhat receding hairline which is a lot more unsightly on a woman than a man. I had a couple consults over the last couple weeks about hair transplants, actually. Usually I wear berets. But nobody else is as bothered about it as I am; the hat always comes off when I bring someone home.

If you put a certain energy and intensity into the world, people will see it and not the other more minor things. If you're reserved and unconfident then they'll see more of the rough details. If you feel "aimless" as you've said you are, people won't see the energy you put towards the things you love, they'll see that instead.

Some people are born confident and attractive and never had much reason to question it. Some of us really had to work for it. But the answer wasn't PUA stuff (I spent a decade trying that), but transitioning and really embracing who I am.