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Also, as my username combined with what else I've said might imply, I'm a transgender woman. I really thought dating women as a woman would be harder after transitioned, because most women are straight.

But the confidence benefits were huge enough that my dating life is actually a lot better. I only online dated before then, and after, I can go to (queer) bars and pick up girls and bring them home. I still have the problem that I mentioned in my other reply, that it's really hard to get people to stay (I say "people will go to bed with me, but they won't wake up with me")

I don't think you're transgender (and if you are, that's a separate discussion), but the lesson I draw from this is that you are better off if you maximize the things that naturally interest you rather than trying to be someone you're not. Snowboarding and rock climbing are both great contexts to meet people in. If you are confident and in your element there, you'll probably attract people much better than if you put a lot of effort into trying to be someone you're not.

I also have the somewhat receding hairline which is a lot more unsightly on a woman than a man. I had a couple consults over the last couple weeks about hair transplants, actually. Usually I wear berets. But nobody else is as bothered about it as I am; the hat always comes off when I bring someone home.

If you put a certain energy and intensity into the world, people will see it and not the other more minor things. If you're reserved and unconfident then they'll see more of the rough details. If you feel "aimless" as you've said you are, people won't see the energy you put towards the things you love, they'll see that instead.

Some people are born confident and attractive and never had much reason to question it. Some of us really had to work for it. But the answer wasn't PUA stuff (I spent a decade trying that), but transitioning and really embracing who I am.



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