I need advice. Excuse me for how disorganized this all is, I'm just typing. I'd like you guys to give it to me straight, tell me if I'm being a spoiled brat who needs to grow up, or tell me if I should follow what seems right to me. I've made a throw away because I don't want this tied to my name, and my main account is my full name.
I'm not doing well in college. I just came from a midterm that I almost certainly failed. I've not done well in any of my classes besides a bullshit social science course that anyone can do well in. In my real courses, statistics, calculus, and a theory CS course, I'm failing desperately. I don't go to class anymore.
I can recognize that it's entirely my maturity and work ethic that is the problem here. When I do find myself going to class, I comprehend fully. I don't find it hard to catch up, even. When I leave class, I don't do homework and I don't study.
This is the first time I'm admitting it to myself, but I don't believe I can succeed in this system. I don't know if I'm lying to myself when I say I love learning, or if I'm just much more subpar than I'm willing to recognize.
It's not that I'm an unmotivated individual, it's just that I've always been a self-learner. I hate this whole system of, go to a class for 50 minutes and study a subject, spend an hour later in the day doing some homework in the same subject, and maybe do this every other day. When I learn, I'm much better at spending 10 hours really consuming the material, flying through chapters, and then doing that for 5-6 days in a row. Formal education doesn't cater to me in this regard.
I love to program. The few hours in the day that I'm happy are when I'm reading mailing lists and and working on personal projects. I truly believe that if I was to drop out, I wouldn't waste my time doing anything else. I'd be able to really embrace the style of learning that works best for me.
I think that a few years from now I would find myself more prepared for the real world than most of my friends, although, I think they would similarly find that they have an easier time finding work than I. But that doesn't worry me a ton.
I've watched my father be an EE for his whole life, programming and managing for a boring company that makes controllers. I don't want to enter that ecosystem _at all_. I have watched him hate his life in exchange for a paycheck, and I'd like to opt out from that system entirely. What best fits that? The market for full stack engineers / web developers / app developers. And alternatively, the start up scene.
I wonder if the reason I'm involved with coding at all is because it caters so much to my preferred style of learning. Maybe that's why I latched onto it so hard in late middle school.
Anyway, thanks for reading. Let me know what you guys think I should do, or if there are any questions you think I should pose to myself to really figure this out.
Wow, thanks for sharing. I know how tough of a position to be in this is -- you sound a lot like I was in school.
First, dropping out is a serious thing, and I wouldn't take any random internet advice at face value on it. Do you have family/friends/etc you could talk to? School guidance department? Does your college let you take a year off? I'm happy to chat more about it if you want, but you will get better advice from others on this. It also sounds like you may be taking the wrong classes -- maybe explore and see if others are more interesting?
As for programming, it's awesome that it's a passion for you. It may not seem like it right now, but there are lots of low-risk ways to see if that passion is real, and get more into the scene. Going to hackathons is a great first step. You get to meet other coders, potentially interact with some companies, and build something.
It sounds like you might have a portfolio already of projects. Why not talk to some local companies that are looking for interns? Does anyone visit your campus? If you already have some projects, those will be a lot more relevant than your GPA. An internship would give you all summer to explore your interest, and see where it takes you. Some colleges have intern match programs.
If you have a good portfolio, you could also try to take on some consulting work. Depending on what languages you know, this can be pretty easy, and would give you a nice way to gain some skills. Go to local tech meetups. Join your campus programming club. There's always people there who can connect you to companies.
As you start to meet more people and network, I think you'll naturally start to answer some of the questions you're having.
I'm happy to chat more. Feel free to email me if you want.
It's not that I'm an unmotivated individual, it's just that I've always been a self-learner.
Maybe this is where you are fooling yourself. College was originally designed for self-learners. The most successful engineers I've seen are the ones who are busy learning on their own, plus going to classes "on the side" to supplement their own exploration with a bit of formal rigor. You are standing in the middle of a bounty of resources for learning- forget about classes, why aren't you seizing that opportunity to learn on your own from the wealth of brilliant people & resources?
If you were falling behind and missing classes because you were so busy learning something just as good, that's one thing. But if you are falling behind and missing classes and not really doing much learning on your own either, to say "I'm a motivated learner who the school just doesn't cater to" is misleading yourself. If you are a motivated learner, you would be out there learning, as there is no better place to learn regardless the class structure.
Does that mean you are a talentless hack? No. Looking at my own history, what it means is you are lying to yourself (which is the worst kind of lie) because you don't want to put in the hard work. Once you can see through that self-deception, you can get back on track.
If you are near completing college (e.g. this is your sixth semester) I'd tough it out. Even if that means switching majors to one of those "bullshit social sciences". The piece of paper still matters, true most of all in the corporate world, but not just there. You are far better off having a line on your resume that lists a college and omits a GPA than having no education on your resume at all. If you're almost at the finish line there's no point in walking away now.
On the other hand, if this is near the beginning of your college career, maybe it is a good idea to take some time off. It doesn't cost you anything to get a leave of absence versus just quitting. It doesn't obligate you to go back, but it leaves the door open. Use the time to find out if you are bullshitting yourself about willing to do some real learning so long as its on your terms. Find out what the job market is like. Figure out what it means to be responsible for your own schedule, with your ability to live (or at least live decently) on the line instead of just a bad grade. You'll either go back to school more motivated or you'll find that you are thriving without a college degree. In the latter case, if you ultimately do find you need the paper, there are increasing opportunities to do so for working adults (though life can make that really tough if e.g. you have kids).
For what it is worth, I took a semester off after doing really poorly and worked as a programmer during the first dotcom bubble, then returned to finish my degree. Best of luck.
If you're almost at the finish line there's no point in walking away now.
Even if you consider the sunk costs! I mean, suppose you are to graduate this summer. Write off the sunk costs (everything before now) and look forward; for the price of three months, you can get a college degree. That's a pretty hard offer to turn down.
You sound very similar to myself. Here's what happened to me:
I coasted through highschool and tried to do the same through college. It didn't work. My GPA tanked, which discouraged me, and my GPA tanked some more. I finally experienced a complete meltdown with a semester and a half left in my undergraduate career. Failed my midterms miserably, didn't complete my capstone project, and was stressed to the point of throwing up in my trashcan. Not good. Further, I had a job offer on the table that was contingent on me finishing my degree.
I called my parents first. They kept me from driving my car into a tree. After I calmed down a bit, I called the university and the company and explained that I was having mental health issues. I dropped out of university for the rest of the semester and the company deferred my job offer. I went back to live at home, got some counseling and figured out the fastest way for me to graduate.
I graduated and took the job. My life has improved so, so much since I've left school. I kept studying and learning and now I'm working on moving onto a data science team.
I have found that a stable, predictable environment is ideal for me. I figured out that I packed up all my shit and moved from one city to another about 12 times in college. That wasn't good for me.
I have also found that I absolutely must have alone time and plenty of sleep. I never ever gave myself time to think in college. There was always someone knocking on my door or wanting to go out until 3 in the morning.
The long and short of this is that the multitude of distractions and bullshit in college made me forget that I actually enjoy programming. I love figuring out difficult technical problems. I imagine you do too.
My advice is to take time off. You can take leaves of absence! Forget about college for a while and come back with a fresh perspective. It's the best thing I've ever done.
What do you enjoy about programming. Why aren't you getting that from school?
I would suggest that you grit through and try to graduate as quickly and painlessly as possible. If you need to, take easy courses and use the extra time to do the self-learning that you actually enjoy.
When you graduate, then you can take up a job which encourages self-learning. However, if you don't like the concept of structured work altogether then doing a job might also be hard. In that case, there really isn't any solution. Maybe join a kibbutz.
I think if you're going to school and refusing to put forth the work to succeed ( do homework and study, for instance ) perhaps you should stop, it doesn't seem like its a good fit for you. Either that or step up your game so you're not wasting time and money. There's a lot that one can learn during their time at University, there's also a lot of time one can waste.
I'm not doing well in college. I just came from a midterm that I almost certainly failed. I've not done well in any of my classes besides a bullshit social science course that anyone can do well in. In my real courses, statistics, calculus, and a theory CS course, I'm failing desperately. I don't go to class anymore.
I can recognize that it's entirely my maturity and work ethic that is the problem here. When I do find myself going to class, I comprehend fully. I don't find it hard to catch up, even. When I leave class, I don't do homework and I don't study.
This is the first time I'm admitting it to myself, but I don't believe I can succeed in this system. I don't know if I'm lying to myself when I say I love learning, or if I'm just much more subpar than I'm willing to recognize.
It's not that I'm an unmotivated individual, it's just that I've always been a self-learner. I hate this whole system of, go to a class for 50 minutes and study a subject, spend an hour later in the day doing some homework in the same subject, and maybe do this every other day. When I learn, I'm much better at spending 10 hours really consuming the material, flying through chapters, and then doing that for 5-6 days in a row. Formal education doesn't cater to me in this regard.
I love to program. The few hours in the day that I'm happy are when I'm reading mailing lists and and working on personal projects. I truly believe that if I was to drop out, I wouldn't waste my time doing anything else. I'd be able to really embrace the style of learning that works best for me.
I think that a few years from now I would find myself more prepared for the real world than most of my friends, although, I think they would similarly find that they have an easier time finding work than I. But that doesn't worry me a ton.
I've watched my father be an EE for his whole life, programming and managing for a boring company that makes controllers. I don't want to enter that ecosystem _at all_. I have watched him hate his life in exchange for a paycheck, and I'd like to opt out from that system entirely. What best fits that? The market for full stack engineers / web developers / app developers. And alternatively, the start up scene.
I wonder if the reason I'm involved with coding at all is because it caters so much to my preferred style of learning. Maybe that's why I latched onto it so hard in late middle school.
Anyway, thanks for reading. Let me know what you guys think I should do, or if there are any questions you think I should pose to myself to really figure this out.