I am bad at this as well. I think part of it is to do with my upbringing as a poor, smart kid at a bad school. The way to be well thought of by teachers was to not cause a fuss and get good grades whilst the teachers concentrated on the disruptive kids.

I shudder at the thought of becoming one of those gobshites that asks senior management questions in townhalls like "How do you stay so grounded with all the awesome responsibility you are dealing with?"

There a few things that motivated me to start self publicising a bit more:

1) A Chris Williamson podcast where he said "Shy bairns get nowt" and also "Somewhere there is someone with half your talent and twice your confidence earning 10x your salary."

2) I email all my senior stakeholders (not just my line manager) details of the major projects I am working on. I try and frame this as an "FYI" and an offer for them to add extra context or re-align my priorities.

3) You can try this approach as well: https://jvns.ca/blog/brag-documents/

It is good. I used to do that and get some positive feedback on it. But lately with change in management who are least interested in such mails, and with constant banging of stay in your lane, I just lost the energy.

Point is these things can yield result but it is neither guaranteed nor welcome so many times. Also praising "leadership" is race to bottom, there are always bigger suck ups pushing themselves.

I've tried the brag document but I just can't do it. "ooh look at me, so special" i hate that crap.

I don't need 10x my salary, I just want to feel valued by my team. I have never felt that in my entire life, even though team members often mention that I save their bacon repeatedly in team meetings with supervisors. it's like no one hears it.

unless i change who i am as a person i will never be valued at work. it's just that simple. I won't play the vanity game solely for money. I won't do anything solely for money. I just want to feel valued and I don't think that is possible for me. I'm just not wired to feel that. So fuck me I guess. "you don't fit the mold kid, so you can go fly a kite"

I know what you mean.

For me, the motivation to move out of my comfort zone and become more "braggy" was to provide a better standard of living for my family. And also my ego - getting annoyed at seeing less talented people do better.

Hey, I've been where you are.

> because I don’t self-promote, people who can’t shut up about themselves get promoted beyond me

You need to re-frame this problem, so it's not about "self-promotion", and instead is about proactively forecasting the needs (as you put it) of your manager, not just the technical system you're managing.

If you view it as part of your job to document (not promote, just document) the work you've done, it's trivial to collect those links into a doc at the end of the promotion cycle, hand it to your manager and collect a promotion. Make sure that you're communicating throughout the cycle that you're expecting a promotion in your 1:1's and ask if you're on track towards that goal / if there's anything un-discussed you'd need to do to get there.

It's critical to understand that this is not vanity, it's part of your job (if you want a promotion, that is). I hope this is helpful!

how can i understand what my manager needs if i don't know what he does?

I have no idea what managers do, and I can't ever get an answer when I ask what managers do. "oh, all kinds of stuff." gosh, thanks. it's so clear, now.

It's important to understand the incentives of everybody in an organization, even if they're not able to articulate it clearly to you, you should make it your personal mission to understand them. The incentive structure of your manager (i.e. the standard by which they are judged) is to keep their ICs productive while also attempting to keep costs "under control" (i.e. growing, but at a predictable rate that is below some hurdle).

If you want a promotion, your manager needs to be able to explain / provide evidence to their manager (and so on, all the way to the board in theory) as to why you deserve a higher salary.

If you are doing the right work, are able to provide them with an artifact (brag sheet / promotion packet) that concisely outlines the value provided, and consistently provide the signal that you'd be dissatisfied (i.e. potentially leave) without a promotion, you'll get a promotion. It's within your power to remove the only remaining obstacle for them by providing the packet, which is 80% of their work in securing you a promotion.

There are almost always more urgent issues for a manager to address than a high-performing employee who is quietly upset about not getting a promotion. By stepping up and helping them do this small part of their job, you're demonstrating empathy by solving an important but non-urgent problem for them. They will be grateful.

Not sure if you are looking for an answer or just letting the steam out... But if you are searching for knowledge, then I would suggest picking up a book or two on leading people. It was a big surprise to me that such books exist and that they actually help understand the dynamics in companies, and how to achieve win-win outcomes. Good luck!

Being a leader and being a manager are completely different things.

Leaders primary concern is for those under them.

Managers primary concern is for those above them.

yeah I think you're right. I work for Managers.