What's tragic is that it was originally coined "If it ain't boing, I ain't going" back when their brand stood for quality.

But that's the history that makes the flipping of the script so stark. Anybody embedded deeply enough in the company should be aware of that exact loss of reputation.

And if the company fails to know its own history well enough that even they are missing the point that speaks volumes about how they value institutional knowledge.

The app'll work best with genuine apple handcuffs.

I do like the direction this started if not the finish

How about “causing walled garden headaches since Eden”

Doesn’t really ring, no rhyming bling…

It does in native Ayapaneco

Translating poetry is tricky at best…worse if transliteration and cross-cultural currents pull in multiple directions…

Maybe "crapple" ...

"If it's Apple, it's crapple" was my first stab as well. Just didn't have the same je ne sais quoi to me about it though.