Sorry to hear that you don't enjoy life. I was in the same place for a long time. I would recommend seeking professional help. Not therapy, but just plain antidepressants without some condescending therapy. At least try out what it feels like being happy.

That being said, I am not going to be the one to say that suicide is never an option.

It's a box full of nitrogen. You can build a less polished version from a home improvement store for a few bucks.

Maybe you will enjoy the build process so much that you won't pull the trigger.