I've been reading HN for awhile. I'm using a throwaway account to ask for advice.
Basically, I am a failure. I do about three hours of work in a month, seriously. And I'm an entrepreneur with a dream schedule! I'm floating along on some contracts but It's only a matter of time before I'm found out. More importantly I detest myself for this.
I've read god knows how many posts about finding your vision and achieving goals. I know what my perfect day looks like but I can't ever follow through. It's awful. I have a sick feeling in my stomach every night as another day is wasted. There's no end.
The worst is being a member of HN where so many accomplished people work. Seriously, if I could break this mental block or disease or whatever I could be like that! At least I think I could. I'm so bored with FP vs OP, language debates, stack overflow book recs and all that because I've studied them all before. I should be teaching the guys who ask those questions with my experience by now, yet I have no experience...
I'm over 30 years old. Can I change? Is it too late? Has anybody like me ever changed? If so I would love to hear from you.
All suggestions welcome. However, I do need to keep earning a living so taking a year off in Tibet is not going to work for me very well.
I've had a few extended periods like this now (I'm only mid 30's myself). I guess I have/had a different perspective. I called these times "success".
I do admit, it is a drink best consumed in moderation. I worked my ass off to get those contracts that allowed me to float, but before long, I forgot that initial effort and started to unconsciously believe that I'd lucked into the whole thing, was an impostor and would soon be exposed.
A few things that helped:
Every once in a while I'd go up to the corporate headquarters of my biggest contract and have a look around. It only took a few minutes to realize that my few hours per month were giving them more value than the paper-tied tps-report generating slackers they paid $75k gave them working full time. Even if I was the goof I felt myself in my darkest imaginations, they were still getting their money's worth.
I volunteered. I found some places that needed help desperately, and I was the smartest guy in the room, and I helped out.
I networked. I found some places where I was the dumbest guy in the room and I learned everything I could.
There are two universal truths(1) no matter where you are in your journey. There are people much smarter and more motivated than you and there are people much dumber and less motivated than you. I found that putting myself in situations where I could feel the gradient and my place on it was tremendously motivating.
(1) If you happen to be Donald Knuth or Chuck Norris, you should probably just ignore this whole section.