I’m 22. I’m stressed. Everything’s fucked up. My mom is dying. I need help.
TL;DR If anyone has any work for me (strengths are Ruby/Rails, data mining) please email me. ilovemymomjeanine@gmail.com (will go to my professional email) -- This is in regards to https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7214446
If you’re in Minnesota and would like to meet with me, let’s meet.
Very-long; will read:
I’m posting here so I can vent to people that I would normally talk to in my day-to-day life. My life, however, hasn’t felt day-to-day in so long.
It’s felt like one, long clusterfuck of a bullet train inside my head.
I’m not popular here or in the startup community (in the larger sense). I haven’t worked for any well-known startups nor do I contribute to any open-source projects. I haven’t developed any killer libraries and I don’t belong to mailing lists.
But I don’t let that define me. At all.
There’s nothing that I haven’t taught myself. I’m very prideful and mostly confident about my abilities, but I don’t consider myself an all-star at any one thing. I’m just pretty damn good at a lot of things.
I made a post on the Richard Lynch thread where we were discussing how the healthcare system is failing us because families shouldn't struggle to make ends meet. (and thus, my cover is blown) You have to go to page two to see the comment, and for the lazy: https://news.ycombinator.com/x?fnid=iFI3WthoE1Lln4guTBx4gL
My mom isn’t well. While her tumor is shrinking (it was originally the size of a baseball), her doctors continuously insist on more and more treatment to get it as small as possible, even though it’s stage-IV. Her treatments are so fucking specialized that even after the insurance company does their thing, we’re still out five-figures per treatment. It’s insane, and criminal. When asked if there were any alternatives, the reply is always, “this is what we have to treat her with. There’s nothing around it.”
While I’m not a conspiracy theorist, I’m confident in saying that someone is getting paid. Guess what? It’s not my mom.
There was news today, however, that with four more months of what she’s doing with her treatments, she might have bought herself another year to live. If everything goes to plan, she’d able to pump the brakes on all these hardcore treatments.
In August of 2013, I had in excess of $150k in my savings. This was from good client relationships, an acquisition, some domains I sold, a lucky lotto ticket, and always being thrifty. (and not spending money on clothes, though I desperately need some)
When it was confirmed she was very ill in late October of 2013, I moved back home. I packed up all my stuff, said cheers to my startup fam on the coast (which I was going to do anyway), and began a frivolous job hunt. I sold my car, and everything I could, because I knew what was about to come.
My bank account is nearly dry. It’s currently sitting at $10. Yes, just $10. My checking account is at $1.26, and there are no pending checks, or wires, coming my way.
Where did the money go? 97% of it went to my mom’s bills: 4 months of treatments, drugs, hospital visits, seeing specialists…
My father, who is a good man some of the time, hasn’t had a relationship with my mother for 25 years. How they popped out three kids is beyond me. (it’s funny because if you look at our birthdays, our dates of conception are all holidays!) There are politics behind that which I don’t care to go into but will if asked.
Sometimes he’s a good father, particularly to my brother -- why? I don’t know. He does nothing special, and has an assortment of issues (violence, anger). My sister, being the only girl of two generations on my father’s side, is of course spoiled endlessly.
My sister, while we’re on the subject: She’s my best friend, and she sticks up for me whenever my family (“ “) decides to talk shit about me -- because I’ve been so removed for so long, and still misunderstood, my mother/father/brother assume the things that happened so many years ago and applies them now. My sister will plead with them in tears in her eyes, begging for them to just get the facts straight.
What does my word mean? Very little to them. To my sister? Everything.
My father is able to provide the basics, but not able to assist in the bigger picture of things for reasons I’m not cleared to know. He was taken back by me taking control up until this point, but now the future is up in the air. Will she get her treatments? That depends if it becomes classified as “emergency” by the hospital. I’ve spoken with the Patient Advocate Foundation and this is unfortunately the news I got.
Does my family qualify for assistance? No. Plain and simple.
Will my father step in? He didn’t for his own mother who he was close to, so I’m just going to assume he’ll continue to be negligent.
I can’t take out a loan because my credit is bamboozled. I’m already in about $6k in debt and it’s not fun.
I’m desperate to do what I can for my mom. I haven’t always been the best of son, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not trying to be now. I am doing what I would do for anyone, and because it’s my mom, it’s all that more dear to my heart.
I have a (mostly) full-time job right now, co-founding a startup that we’re bootstrapping. I’m yet to get a paycheck after almost 2 months of work because my co-founder hit a snag with some investors from a previous gig. I’m OK with this because in the long-run things will be golden. While those checks would be nice, they don’t cover much unfortunately. Thankfully, though, I have a lot of what I need to do done, so I’m able to look for other work to fill the gaps.
I’d get a full-time job but I don’t have a car and I live in the deep suburbs of Minneapolis. I’m also terrified of driving in the snow (PTSD). I Uber everywhere (I won some monthly credit on my account a while ago).
If anyone has any work they can kick off their hands / can put me to use for, I’d be gracious to take it. I know my ways with Ruby and I do love Rails. Lately I’ve whipped up some SaaS platforms, written APIs, conquered APIs, mined iTunes/Play Stores, built my mom an app to keep track of her meds, stuff like that. I’ll email a portfolio / linkedin / whatever when we talk.
To all of you, "Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”
To me it sounds like you never had a long-term plan for the treatment or your own future. You jumped in, blew your savings, and now you're stuck.
It's too late for "could-have, should-have", but if you somehow manage to procure more money, at least consider alternatives such as slower treatment schedules or flying your mother to a country where such treatments are cheaper (India comes to mind as a potential option)[0]. Also, consider a second opinion to understand whether continued treatments will make a fundamental difference.
>I’m also terrified of driving in the snow (PTSD). I Uber everywhere
I've heard of PTSD from rape or war, but this is totally new to me. What happened?
>I’m yet to get a paycheck after almost 2 months of work because my co-founder hit a snag with some investors from a previous gig. I’m OK with this because in the long-run things will be golden.
That sounds very strange to me. If my family was in need, I personally would jump on a first job with a stable paycheck that I could get so I could (slowly but surely) provide money. This seems like poor timing to bet on a lottery ticket (which, as HN reminds us, most startups are).
[0] - inb4/none of these are an option because reasons
> To me it sounds like you never had a long-term plan for the treatment or your own future. You jumped in, blew your savings, and now you're stuck.
I'm 22, young; my future is good. For what it's worth, the way I see it is that everyone I would have graduated college with (I only did a semester), is now in massive amounts of debt. I'm just starting from near-zero (-$6k).
> I've heard of PTSD from rape or war, but this is totally new to me. What happened?
Snowstorm, lost traction. Ended up under a semi and was dragged under. The supporting beams of the trailer (which were perpendicular to my windshield) came through it and nearly put my face off.
> That sounds very strange to me. If my family was in need, I personally would jump on a first job with a stable paycheck that I could get so I could (slowly but surely) provide money. This seems like poor timing to bet on a lottery ticket (which, as HN reminds us, most startups are).
It is, and you're absolutely right. I wasn't expecting to not get a check, and I wasn't expecting to <completely> clear out my savings.
>To me it sounds like you never had a long-term plan for the treatment or your own future. You jumped in, blew your savings, and now you're stuck.
You think that the OP is to blame for not having a long-term plan for a scenario in which one's very close family member is diagnosed with a previously unknown disease and $150k is not enough to take care of that?
You think this is an instance of poor planning on the OP's fault?
Cancer kills quickly, but not "tomorrow" quickly. This gives an opportunity to consider the big picture and how you'll navigate this challenge. The OP himself writes that his savings lasted for 4+ months. I was surprised that, in this timeframe, zero thought appears to have been given to the question: "What happens when my money runs out?".
The final outcome may have been the same (asking for donations online), but you'd be starting out early instead of with your back against the wall. Same as with startup funding: if you look for funding only when you're out of runway, you'll have a next-to-impossible time of securing it (or securing it on good terms).
Okay! Scenario time! Same thing happens to you, or your family. A family member has cancer. It's going to cost $50k and a few months. What do you do?
Oh wait. Instead of $50k, it's more like $75k. Actually, make that $125k. But it's going to be $125k and no more.
Just kidding. In fact, because I'm playing the role of Life + Healthcare in this scenario, I'm going to lob a little bit more at you. In fact, it's going to be $1M. (Think this is implausible? Sorry, it's not. [1]) What are you going to do? Also, I may up that number a little bit more, just for kicks. What are your plans?
Your post may be more convincing if you outlined your actual point instead of relying on hypothetical scenarios. My only guess at what you're saying is: "Healthcare costs can be unpredictable." That's a fair assumption, but it fails to negate my previous point in any way.
What 22 year old plans for their parent's cancer? Or really has a solid idea of exactly what their future has in store?
He was doing what people in their early 20s are supposed to do: take risks. He was probably involved in startups before his mom got sick.
Let's not beat him up for doing what many of us are doing right now, then getting caught in an unpredictable and terrible situation and trying to do what he thought was right at the time under a lot of stress and emotion.
You can have chronic PTSD from many things. For example, people who were abandoned, beaten and physically abused as children. That's just one example, there are many others. You don't have to be a war vet who saw active combat or a woman who was raped to suffer from PTSD.
It is depressing that how US healthcare system is structured to bankrupt middle class people so healthcare companies can make more billions.
Can any of these things work for you?
1) Can your mother get medicaid? I believe there is almost no copay with medicaid.
2) Can you get any other medical insurance plan where you have lesser or no copay? May be something through Healthcare.gov?
3) Can you go to India and get medical treatment? Most treatments and medicines in India cost about 1/10 of US. There are several hospitals and doctors in India which can provide treatments compared to US. I can dig up some information if you want to do this.
While I'm sure you mean well, and it's not like HN is full of trolls who want to trick you, you shouldn't just be asking for PayPal accounts that you'll willy-nilly send money to. You have no idea if this story is true or if this is just a scam. Let's at least do some due-diligence, then we can get a serious campaign going.
I'm sorry to be so skeptical, but I've seen some truly conscienceless scammers--both on and off the internet--to not trust anything anymore until it checks out from multiple angles.
It's hard for me to accept handmeouts, but if anyone decides to be insisting, I'll vow to pay it forward (I always do) and even start a blog about the course of the treatments (with pictures of paid bills, etc.) I'm a big believer in full-disclosure.
I made the account under ilovemymomjeanine@gmail.com and I'll follow up with you with pictures of the paid invoices. I know there are trolls that do this, but for all that I have, I'm not one.
Are you just using your money for copays/deductibles or does she not have any insurance at all? Will they stop treating her if you stop paying? Defer as long as possible and either work out a payment plan later or let the insurance company eat it down the road. I know many people who have been bankrupted paying off medical bills as they come but you should pay just enough to keep the treatments going. Let everything else ride then declare bankruptcy if any of it is in your name.
She does have insurance, and it's great insurance. The treatments are just so specialized that the bill, after the insurance does their "work", is still anywhere from $10k to $50k.
They've made it clear that because the treatments are so specialized and that they have had to go outside of the normal realms for a patient (e.g. they had to bring in another specialist), that once the money stops flowing, things will need to be reevaluated.
It's a fucking scam. And a fucking shame to this country.
She does have insurance, and it's great insurance. The treatments are just so specialized that the bill, after the insurance does their "work", is still anywhere from $10k to $50k.
That is not "great insurance". I am not a big fan of PPACA, but every single one of those plans has an annual out-of-pocket limit on costs (~$6,400 per individual, twice that for a family). My out of pocket limit on my (excellent) BCBS PPO is $500 + minimal copays.
Now that preexisting conditions are no longer a barrier to changing plans, you should shop around.
Under PPACA, as of this year, there's something called "Guaranteed Issue", which means that if you offer an insurance plan at a particular rate, you have to give that rate to everyone, and accept anyone who will pay it. The only variables that can go into the rate calculation (AFAIK) are age, a community rating, and whether the applicant is a smoker.
She should get on her state's or the federal exchange and find a plan that includes her doctors. If she's seeing top flight specialists, that might be expensive, but it will be much cheaper than "$10-50K per incident".
I am surprised to be shilling for Obamacare, but there it is!
It's hard for me to accept handmeouts, but if anyone decides to be insisting, I'll vow to pay it forward (I always do).
I made the account under ilovemymomjeanine@gmail.com and I'll follow up with you with pictures of the paid invoices. I know there are trolls that do this, but for all that I have, I'm not one.
TL;DR If anyone has any work for me (strengths are Ruby/Rails, data mining) please email me. ilovemymomjeanine@gmail.com (will go to my professional email) -- This is in regards to https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=7214446
If you’re in Minnesota and would like to meet with me, let’s meet.
Very-long; will read:
I’m posting here so I can vent to people that I would normally talk to in my day-to-day life. My life, however, hasn’t felt day-to-day in so long.
It’s felt like one, long clusterfuck of a bullet train inside my head.
I’m not popular here or in the startup community (in the larger sense). I haven’t worked for any well-known startups nor do I contribute to any open-source projects. I haven’t developed any killer libraries and I don’t belong to mailing lists.
But I don’t let that define me. At all.
There’s nothing that I haven’t taught myself. I’m very prideful and mostly confident about my abilities, but I don’t consider myself an all-star at any one thing. I’m just pretty damn good at a lot of things.
I made a post on the Richard Lynch thread where we were discussing how the healthcare system is failing us because families shouldn't struggle to make ends meet. (and thus, my cover is blown) You have to go to page two to see the comment, and for the lazy: https://news.ycombinator.com/x?fnid=iFI3WthoE1Lln4guTBx4gL
My mom isn’t well. While her tumor is shrinking (it was originally the size of a baseball), her doctors continuously insist on more and more treatment to get it as small as possible, even though it’s stage-IV. Her treatments are so fucking specialized that even after the insurance company does their thing, we’re still out five-figures per treatment. It’s insane, and criminal. When asked if there were any alternatives, the reply is always, “this is what we have to treat her with. There’s nothing around it.”
While I’m not a conspiracy theorist, I’m confident in saying that someone is getting paid. Guess what? It’s not my mom.
There was news today, however, that with four more months of what she’s doing with her treatments, she might have bought herself another year to live. If everything goes to plan, she’d able to pump the brakes on all these hardcore treatments.
In August of 2013, I had in excess of $150k in my savings. This was from good client relationships, an acquisition, some domains I sold, a lucky lotto ticket, and always being thrifty. (and not spending money on clothes, though I desperately need some)
When it was confirmed she was very ill in late October of 2013, I moved back home. I packed up all my stuff, said cheers to my startup fam on the coast (which I was going to do anyway), and began a frivolous job hunt. I sold my car, and everything I could, because I knew what was about to come.
My bank account is nearly dry. It’s currently sitting at $10. Yes, just $10. My checking account is at $1.26, and there are no pending checks, or wires, coming my way.
Where did the money go? 97% of it went to my mom’s bills: 4 months of treatments, drugs, hospital visits, seeing specialists…
My father, who is a good man some of the time, hasn’t had a relationship with my mother for 25 years. How they popped out three kids is beyond me. (it’s funny because if you look at our birthdays, our dates of conception are all holidays!) There are politics behind that which I don’t care to go into but will if asked.
Sometimes he’s a good father, particularly to my brother -- why? I don’t know. He does nothing special, and has an assortment of issues (violence, anger). My sister, being the only girl of two generations on my father’s side, is of course spoiled endlessly.
My sister, while we’re on the subject: She’s my best friend, and she sticks up for me whenever my family (“ “) decides to talk shit about me -- because I’ve been so removed for so long, and still misunderstood, my mother/father/brother assume the things that happened so many years ago and applies them now. My sister will plead with them in tears in her eyes, begging for them to just get the facts straight.
What does my word mean? Very little to them. To my sister? Everything.
Here’s a picture. http://i.imgur.com/EZNKdI0.png Yes, she is beautiful.
My father is able to provide the basics, but not able to assist in the bigger picture of things for reasons I’m not cleared to know. He was taken back by me taking control up until this point, but now the future is up in the air. Will she get her treatments? That depends if it becomes classified as “emergency” by the hospital. I’ve spoken with the Patient Advocate Foundation and this is unfortunately the news I got.
Does my family qualify for assistance? No. Plain and simple.
Will my father step in? He didn’t for his own mother who he was close to, so I’m just going to assume he’ll continue to be negligent.
I can’t take out a loan because my credit is bamboozled. I’m already in about $6k in debt and it’s not fun.
I’m desperate to do what I can for my mom. I haven’t always been the best of son, but that doesn’t mean that I’m not trying to be now. I am doing what I would do for anyone, and because it’s my mom, it’s all that more dear to my heart.
I have a (mostly) full-time job right now, co-founding a startup that we’re bootstrapping. I’m yet to get a paycheck after almost 2 months of work because my co-founder hit a snag with some investors from a previous gig. I’m OK with this because in the long-run things will be golden. While those checks would be nice, they don’t cover much unfortunately. Thankfully, though, I have a lot of what I need to do done, so I’m able to look for other work to fill the gaps.
I’d get a full-time job but I don’t have a car and I live in the deep suburbs of Minneapolis. I’m also terrified of driving in the snow (PTSD). I Uber everywhere (I won some monthly credit on my account a while ago).
If anyone has any work they can kick off their hands / can put me to use for, I’d be gracious to take it. I know my ways with Ruby and I do love Rails. Lately I’ve whipped up some SaaS platforms, written APIs, conquered APIs, mined iTunes/Play Stores, built my mom an app to keep track of her meds, stuff like that. I’ll email a portfolio / linkedin / whatever when we talk.
To all of you, "Be Content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.”