This is a fun exercise, but as others have pointed out likely impossible in its current form.
We don't have true constraints on space though; why limit to 33 bits? How could we still provide a meaningful UUID to each person?
A UUID based on time and location of birth might be more feasible than any other approach, since neither will change and it's the least likely to be ambiguous. Capturing UTC at the time of cutting or otherwise removing the umbilical cord could be one way of choosing as precise, non-debatable a timestamp as any. Adding lat/long and, say, the first byte of the UTF-8 character of the mother's name (or an aspect of the mother's UUID?) could get you the rest of the way there.
Of course, this falls over in places without access to precise timing and geolocation.
Another pitfall of this thought-experiment is that there is no room for the constant number of humans who die and are born every day: the set of 33 questions hypothetical questions of today will not be valid tomorrow.
We don't have true constraints on space though; why limit to 33 bits? How could we still provide a meaningful UUID to each person?
A UUID based on time and location of birth might be more feasible than any other approach, since neither will change and it's the least likely to be ambiguous. Capturing UTC at the time of cutting or otherwise removing the umbilical cord could be one way of choosing as precise, non-debatable a timestamp as any. Adding lat/long and, say, the first byte of the UTF-8 character of the mother's name (or an aspect of the mother's UUID?) could get you the rest of the way there.
Of course, this falls over in places without access to precise timing and geolocation.