I don’t have the energy to build anything outside of work. I spend all of my free time trying to mentally recover. I’m left drained after work. If I’m going to do extra “work”, I always think I should do more work stuff, to attempt to get ahead on some project and reduce the stress of things than have been hanging over my head.

The only time this shifts is when I have a couple weeks off. During that period I will inevitably start some kind of project, but I have to keep it small, because I know it will die as soon as I start back to work again.

It took me a while to realize that there is no getting ahead. Something else is always waiting, so better for my health to prioritize and make those whose job it is to prioritize actually make the hard decisions they're paid to make.

There is always more to do, sure. But I’ve found there is value to being ahead of expectations.

In my experience, no one is willing to make decisions on what is actually a priority.

To channel Peter from Office Space, my only real motivation is to not be hassled.

I think that your motivation is going to burn you out.

In order not to burn out one has to start prioritizing other things higher than work, like your health or your hobbies. That means thinking: "someone wants this done and will hassle me for it, but I'm letting it go now."

Edit/addition: there will always be more things to be hassled about.

> I always think I should do more work stuff, to attempt to get ahead on some project

Are you a manager? Are you, personally, responsible for this stuff working or not working?

If not, don't let it hang over your head. You work at the circus with the monkeys, but they are not in any way meaningfully your circus or your monkeys.

Its moments when I read things like this that I'm thankful for my colleagues.