That wasn't my reading. It was the bread or death part that did for me.
To me it seemed like melodramatic self pity, like the person complain that they had no other choice but go to the party but be alone. If someone hates company, they should go be a hermit, not show up and tell everyone about it.
It's okay to be a loner or a hermit. If you're not doing it, then either you are choosing the trade offs or you don't actually want it.
People should own their choices. Self pity and denial of agency are two of the most self destructive cognitive phenomenon.
Sure seemed melodramatic to me. care to explain the choice between bread and an empty belly in a way that isn't intended to garner sympathy? It is a pretty loaded metaphor.
the problem is in your apparent conclusion that "people without a tribe" are only in that state because they hate company. which doesn't make sense. if they indeed hated company they would not do what you say is bothering you. the reason they come to the party alone and tell you about it is because they do want company but have difficulty finding that company. being a loner most often is not a choice. it is something that we force onto others because we don't accept them the way they are. those who are loners by choice are not the kind of people who go to parties.
what agency is it that i should have that would allow me to make friends with people? i can't use my agency to change the behavior of others. you are right of course that self pity and denial of agency don't help. but the comments you are responding to don't talk about that at all. they are not suggesting that people without a tribe wallow in self pity and denial of agency. you brought that up.
i am the kind of person that has difficulty finding a tribe. (my tribe is here on HN and in the FOSS community to an extent. but those people are all distant and hard to meet. btw, you are one of the few names on HN that i recognize because of interesting discussions we had already). except i don't show up at parties where i am not welcome and don't talk to people that don't want to listen to me. but that's why i used my agency to leave my home country and travel the world to find communities that accept others without judging them and without expecting them to change just for the sake of being accepted.
My rant was specifically about people who embed themselves in a group, but resent the group and their situation. Thats how I interpreted "[Their] choice is not between bread and cake, but between bread and an empty belly."
If this is not the case, then the rant doesn't apply.
The the fine article is about listening to music alone fostering a sense of well being.
The comment to which I responded was about how degraded that experience is relative to music in social settings.
When a person does not have access to those social settings they are not better for that person…and as your comments suggest, often worse than nothing. On the other hand headphones are better than nothing.
The bread and cake are an historical reference.
HN guidelines are to make the charitable readings of other people’s comments. They are linked at the bottom of the page.
They were just stating the reality of some people that don't necessarily chose to feel how they feel...