ive been spending a lot of time reflecting on what i want to be focused on in my 30s, aside from company/career but also family/relationships/hobbies & was curious what y'all are experiencing or experienced being in your 30s.
Stop compare yourself to other people. Don't worry about what other people are doing or what other people want.
Some people are married with 3 kids.
Some people are making a million a month.
Some aren't able to hold down jobs and living with their grandparents.
Most of us will never get everything we want. I've accepted I've made certain choices and I'm probably never going to have a family.
But I'm lucky in other aspects.
Don't lose friends over politics. I'm very liberal, but liberal "friends"/companies have screwed me over more times than I can count. Judge the person, not the party.
Don't worry about approval from others. That's got to be the best part of getting older. Not everyone will like you, and that's great.
- if you're in a relationship and you haven't already, speak to your partner about kids. I've met too many people who left it too late.
- plan for your retirement, even if it's a little bit each month. Also, I've met too many people who left it too late.
- find a hobby, find a club, find a society. You won't know anyone at first, but over time if you keep going, you will.
- try not to be so dogmatic about things.
Have kids. Scary and a beat down at first but man they’re amazing and give life a whole new meaning.
Really start listening to your body more than you ever have. Little bumps and bruises take longer to heal and can turn into permanent aches/injuries if not treated right.
Maintain your network. Your network is maturing and becoming incredibly value.
In the last year I did a lot of thinking along these lines (I’m 30 for context).
Until now I’ve spent a lot of my focus chasing credentials, even if I didn’t really realize that.
For example, having good schools, companies, etc (YC even!) on the resume.
All of that served me well, but I think now it’s important to switch to harvesting some of the fruits of that labor and deciding what I inherently want to pursue.
I get joy out of a bunch of things; spending time with my family, running a business, even learning and listening to my favorite podcasts. I’m much more focused on doing things that bring me joy now, and the choices I make are in service of that.
A few things I read last year that were influential for me:
I've recently started reading more, particularly books for self enrichment like How to Win Friends and Influence People and How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. After reading your comment, I read the obituary and then I went and picked up Greenlights and I'm hooked. I can't wait to read more of it and after I finish it I'll pick up The Comfort Crisis. Thanks for the recommendations. If you have any others you recommend I'd love to check them out.
I’m glad to hear they were helpful! David Goggins two books are great as well, and probably in line with your current themes. Can’t Hurt Me and Never Finished. Highly recommend the audiobooks for those too.
Good people are found, not changed, built, or nurtured. Don't get blindsighted thinking in terms of people's potential. If they are not what you want today, they will never become.
Hence, your best bet is to explore but be picky about who you'd want in your life, in your job/business/friend/relationship, etc.
Maintaining and making new friends will become more difficult soon as the responsibilities of mid-life impact your peers.
Go deep into a single hobby that brings you intense joy and puts you in social situations. Don't dabble in a few and don't focus on ones you can do yourself.
Start connecting with people (like sending out birthday cards, celebrating milestones) and catching up with close friends or family more intentionally. Put effort into building and maintaining relationships.
Lastly, try and be a bit more unfocused. I tried too hard to live a "fulfilling" life in my 30s and felt like I spent a lot of energy and time on the wrong things.
If/when you have kids, let them pull you out of your world. Don't skimp on time and attention for them because you're trying to protect your own mental space.
Failure to let them have my attention is my biggest regret from my 30s.
In your 30s you should be in a big city with like minded peers, in an office meeting people, making friends and if you are single, meeting people you are into.
You should be in the best shape of your life.
So in summary
Make sure you spend some time each week in an office
Make sure you are spending time getting into shape
Make sure you are dating if you are single
Eat, drink and be merry – preferably with good friends and family. Always be open to new things (within reason). Get basic finances in order (pension, savings and investments), but don't overdo the planning. Be careful who you're friends with – avoid narcissistic types as much as possible. Be yourself, but keep boundaries.
Stop compare yourself to other people. Don't worry about what other people are doing or what other people want.
Some people are married with 3 kids. Some people are making a million a month. Some aren't able to hold down jobs and living with their grandparents.
Most of us will never get everything we want. I've accepted I've made certain choices and I'm probably never going to have a family.
But I'm lucky in other aspects.
Don't lose friends over politics. I'm very liberal, but liberal "friends"/companies have screwed me over more times than I can count. Judge the person, not the party.
Don't worry about approval from others. That's got to be the best part of getting older. Not everyone will like you, and that's great.
Be grateful for the ones who do.