It's funny, I was just thinking about this a few days ago, and it's been on my mind for a while. I went through my entire school life not exerting significant effort but mostly "succeeding" anyway; I could cram for a test the same day and still ace it. I was never at the top of my class, but I was always in the top ten.
Even then, I realized that there was something wrong; I found it easy to get good grades, but because of that there was little to motivate me to really excel or do something extraordinary, so I never seriously tried. My first dream (the one I've had since grade school) was to be a writer, and I told myself that I would finish my first novel at the age of 14. Ten years later, I haven't completed it. People make excuses to others, but mostly we make them to ourselves; I adjusted and re-adjusted that deadline in my mind until it became meaningless. Similarly, I've entered contests and things, but usually procrastinated and didn't really put a whole lot of effort into whatever I did. I realize now that, yes, those were mostly just excuses.
I sort of regret it now, and I'm seeing the repercussions of my not having any self-discipline and real drive. It's too easy to get into the "good enough" rut, as I think I'm currently doing even now that I'm working. I do fine as a programmer, and my current developments are easy enough that I can still deliver good work even though I do things at the last minute, but really, it's shades of high school and college all over again and I really need to stop.
I would like to get out, though, and I suppose actually trying something out on my own and owning up to the risk of failure is a good idea. And yet, I still have no idea where (or what) to start.
I wish epiphanies came as freely and as conveniently as excuses, but then that would miss the point, no?
Even then, I realized that there was something wrong; I found it easy to get good grades, but because of that there was little to motivate me to really excel or do something extraordinary, so I never seriously tried. My first dream (the one I've had since grade school) was to be a writer, and I told myself that I would finish my first novel at the age of 14. Ten years later, I haven't completed it. People make excuses to others, but mostly we make them to ourselves; I adjusted and re-adjusted that deadline in my mind until it became meaningless. Similarly, I've entered contests and things, but usually procrastinated and didn't really put a whole lot of effort into whatever I did. I realize now that, yes, those were mostly just excuses.
I sort of regret it now, and I'm seeing the repercussions of my not having any self-discipline and real drive. It's too easy to get into the "good enough" rut, as I think I'm currently doing even now that I'm working. I do fine as a programmer, and my current developments are easy enough that I can still deliver good work even though I do things at the last minute, but really, it's shades of high school and college all over again and I really need to stop.
I would like to get out, though, and I suppose actually trying something out on my own and owning up to the risk of failure is a good idea. And yet, I still have no idea where (or what) to start.
I wish epiphanies came as freely and as conveniently as excuses, but then that would miss the point, no?
/rant