Even at the cost of family and friends? I dont see work as sacrosanct. Its a section of your life devoted to help you sustain a living. Some people love it, some people dont. There are other parts of your life that need the same, if not more of an attention to develop your character as a whole.

I have been meaning to write a blog post about this. I think if friends and family don't understand that your work is a priority, they should be cut loose. There are times when you should try to prioritize family. I spoke to that in another comment in this same discussion. (And I was a homemaker and fulltime mom for two decades, so my family was my work.) But unless it is the kind of friend that would happily follow you through the gates of hell, they probably don't deserve more loyalty than your job. And if they are that kind of friend, you probably have a word for them other than "friend", like blood brother or at least best friend.

I appreciate your comments and the level of understanding you showed your husband. I think a lot of your perspective comes from the military life. In that career path refusing to do something or to show up can potentially ruin your career, and it is not as easy to change jobs.

It's probably different for me because I could likely find a new job easily enough, so the consequences are not as severe as if I was back in the military.

From military life. From my dad growing up in The Great Depression. From my mom growing up in Germany during WWII and its aftermath. From devotedly raising two special needs sons and helping them overcome challenges that are supposed to be impossible to overcome. From getting well when that is supposedly impossible. I have yet to figure out how to make enough money from the things I consider my life's work. But I do think it is sacred, paid or not. Sorry if no one here understands that.

Have a good day.

I get it and I'm not trying to change your mind. I'm sorry that others here were not very nice today. I'm sure the work you are doing has real meaning and that is why it is important to you. At my job it just means someone gets a little more or less money. I appreciate your insight on the situation I've faced at my job. I obviously took the path you suggested since I'm still here :).

No big. I suddenly have a hugely negative bank balace. My bank is closed, so I can't even address the issue. Makes this bullshit conversation pale in comparison. But thank you for your kindness.

I don't think it has anything to do with your family's attitude towards your work (although I do agree if they put their interests before your priorities they shouldn't be given more importance). Family/friends could be more important than work to someone who derives more satisfaction from them. And in your comment, you seem to imply that a job automatically deserves loyalty (in this age where companies can let you go in the drop of a hat?). If you see a job as "just another activity one does", no more no less, (doesn't mean the person doesn't give their best, and not demeaning a job here) in the path to overall growth, and has the same importance just like perfecting a hobby in your leisure, you develop a different attitude to it.

My whole point is that work is not sacrosanct. It has no special place. There is nothing in it by its very nature that makes it right to put it above all else. There are other activities one does throughout the day, or maybe every so often, that is more important or needs to be prioritized, IF one feels that way.

A specific job may not be, in which case you should probably be looking for other work. But it has been said that two major themes in life are learning to deal with love and with work. If you need a paycheck to not starve, then your job should be pretty darn important to you whether you like it or not.

I know no one here is going to change my point of view. Maybe you could explain to me why people keep trying to do so while apparently making no effort to understand it when I have repeatedly indicated I would kind of like to bow out of what looks to me to be pointless contention.

"If you need a paycheck to not starve, then your job should be pretty darn important to you whether you like it or not."

This is what I suspected you meant by "importance". Something that you are forced to make important, not important by choice. And regarding my work, there's no reason for me to look for other work. I love my job. And also love some other activities I do during my day. But my job is not more important.

I know its hard to change a point of view. I just wanted to know where you are coming from. And regarding bowing out, all you need to do is stop responding. As far as I am concerned, I saw a comment, was curious about the why, and prodded a little. It was a good discussion. Thanks for that and good luck.

Re: bowing out. I have found that simply no longer replying when others are seriously mischaracterizing my remarks causes more problems than it solves. It creates additional work of an onerous sort which can haunt me for months or years. I wish that worked. I really do. But I have not found that it does.

Have a great day.

Yes. My divorce was amicable and occurred to save my life. I went homeless by choice as the only hope I have of resolving health problems the world says cannot be solved.

But thank you for the gratuitous ad hominem which appears completely irrelevant to this discussion.

I'm sorry, I probably worded that unnecessarily harshly.

My point is that while you obviously feel strongly that you have chosen the correct path for your life, you are not an objective observer. I have come to realize that my thoughts on commitment and work--which were strongly like yours--were primarily a coping mechanism for a lifestyle that was not good for me.

Edit to add: This is the message of the "top 5 regrets" post linked in the HBR article: the decisions we make and defend during life might not look so great as greater perspective is gained.

Then I will suggest you might be projecting. My work saved my life. I don't regret my devotion to either my sons or my ex husband. I consider myself a success in life, something I wrote about recently elsewhere and will be happy to share the link to if you care to see it.

Of course you don't regret your devotion to your family. But what you've actually written in this thread is a defense of prioritizing work over family. So which is it?

Perhaps you have only read part of my remarks here. I have made the point that one should try to be there for important events like the birth of a child. But in the grand scheme of things, missing a birthday dinner but keeping your job, when that job is presumably supporting the family, is the right call. He said it was one of the largest clients his firm had. If the firm lost the client, depending on how large the account was, it could have cost the company more than just his job. How would he feel about that outcome? Work is sacrosanct because it is how the world takes care of people. There is a great scene in a movie about this. I wish I could remember the name of the movie.

I do not see the world in the black and white terms you are viewing my remarks through. That probably explains a lot.

I guess I am being thrown off by the words you're choosing. "Sacrosanct" means inviolable, above criticism or priority. If something is "sacrosanct," by definition it must always come first, no exceptions. It's a black and white term. If work is sacrosanct then that means that family will always be sacrificed. But then you seem to indicate that there are time that family should come before work.

You also said "I think if friends and family don't understand that your work is a priority, they should be cut loose." That seems like a pretty black-and-white position to me. But then you say that there are times that family should come first.

It also seems like you're conflating family and work, saying things like "my family was my work." When what most of us mean by "work" is an external employer. When you say "My work saved my life" are you talking about raising your family or working for an external employer?

So I guess I am just confused as to what you are trying to say. At first I thought you were trying to say that work should always come first. Now your devotion to your family is very clear to me, and you seem to be saying that people need to strike a proper balance. Which I agree with.

Sorry but I suddenly have a hugely negative bank balance and no means to address it. So my capacity to try to do any further clarification has disappearred, along with nearly $4000 in funds that I simply don't have.

Just when I thought things were getting better... <wry smile>