I will stop complaining about executives measuring my performance with objectives and metrics they define, if I can define my own metrics and objectives for them and measure executive performance, complete with PIPs, layoffs and forced attrition for the lowest 10% of performers. What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.

I will be happy to sit in an office with my VP and HR and explain to them that we have to let them go due to not performing up to $COMPANY standards, but we wish them well and here is 2 months salary and a copy of your NDA and non-compete; can I have your badge please?