Like your son, I was once a teen in a CS program. I was "good at computers" and my parents expected me to go, but I had no direction, no interest in the courses, and no hobbies outside of video game modding, which I pursued relentlessly to the exclusion of everything else.
I was also lonely, anxious, and depressed, and lacking the maturity to express it. In any case, no-one asked.
Pretty soon my grades were tanking, and my parents and I were having awful screaming matches. I hated class, life, and my parents, who could only offer housing, funding, and angry punishment.
Eventually there was no way to continue. I dropped out and got a minimum wage job. It took years to find my own way back to computers. I found therapy too, which helped, but my relationship with my parents never fully recovered.
Looking back, I needed an adult who could ask good questions, listen with empathy (not judgement), and provide thoughtful guidance. My parents were not capable of this, in part because of their own upbringing.
I hope you find these skills inside yourself. Here are some example questions to consider asking your child:
- Tell me about this game. What do you like about it?
- Are you friends with the people in the game? How close are you with your IRL friends?
- Are you interested in a relationship with anyone?
- How do you see yourself making money one day? Are there any cool toys you want to buy for yourself?
- etc.
And here are a couple of books to consider reading:
- "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" - almost everything here applies to adults too.
- "Conversationally Speaking" - a general guide on asking good questions with meaningful answers. Some of the examples are awkward but you will get the idea.
I was also lonely, anxious, and depressed, and lacking the maturity to express it. In any case, no-one asked.
Pretty soon my grades were tanking, and my parents and I were having awful screaming matches. I hated class, life, and my parents, who could only offer housing, funding, and angry punishment.
Eventually there was no way to continue. I dropped out and got a minimum wage job. It took years to find my own way back to computers. I found therapy too, which helped, but my relationship with my parents never fully recovered.
Looking back, I needed an adult who could ask good questions, listen with empathy (not judgement), and provide thoughtful guidance. My parents were not capable of this, in part because of their own upbringing.
I hope you find these skills inside yourself. Here are some example questions to consider asking your child:
- Tell me about this game. What do you like about it?
- Are you friends with the people in the game? How close are you with your IRL friends?
- Are you interested in a relationship with anyone?
- How do you see yourself making money one day? Are there any cool toys you want to buy for yourself?
- etc.
And here are a couple of books to consider reading:
- "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" - almost everything here applies to adults too.
- "Conversationally Speaking" - a general guide on asking good questions with meaningful answers. Some of the examples are awkward but you will get the idea.
Good luck.