Personally, when I'm in this situation, my phone is out and face down on the table to avoid the discomfort of it digging into me from my pocket. I've also noticed that other people use their phone less when I explicitly take it out and put it to the side. Also, even though I take it out, I never use it unless the conversation has asked for it, like searching an answer for something.

Sometimes I do that because it's just uncomfortable to sit with my phone in my pocket. I agree it's rude to use your phone while you're dining or conversing with a group.

Counter point - phones are so large now I don't always want it in my pocket when seated.

People take phones and sometimes even wallets out of their pocket when they sit down for comfort.

Some people struggle with social situations and have made about as much progress there as they're going to.

Still other people struggle with social situations, sometimes.

I'm in the latter group; I rarely-to-never eat out. It's exhausting to put on a convincing production of Pretending To Enjoy Myself.

Using a device to ease that burden seems super reasonable to me.

Not only that, but also in people's hands. I've seen on many occasions a couple sitting together at a two-seat table, obviously they're together for dinner, both silently scrolling on their smartphones. Not even saying a word to each other. It's eerie and creepy, like something out of Black Mirror. Last time I pointed this out on HN, most repliers were either defending this behavior or being sarcastic with "Well why don't you walk over and tell them how to live their lives!"

This has kind of been normalized!

> I've seen on many occasions a couple sitting together at a two-seat table, obviously they're together for dinner, both silently scrolling on their smartphones.

Once upon a time, being together without having to talk was a measure of closeness. Relationships that achieved this were venerated.

That ideal aside: Proximity itself nurtures trust and feelings of safety.

It seems sad that we could miss examples of bonding because they don't fit our relationship model.

I've had relationships where I just liked spending time with the person, even when just sitting and not talking, but I've also sat around on my phone not talking to people, and it's not at all the same. When you're on your phone, you're in your own little world trying to ignore everyone. When you're such close friends with someone that you even like sitting around and not talking, it's because you want to spend time with them so much that you want to just be around them even if there's no real "excuse" to hang out.

I’m old enough to remember a time where you would see couples on the table next to you that wouldn’t talk the entire night but listen in to other table’s conversations.

Smartphones make not working social relationships more visible, but I doubt they’re the root cause.

I will forget my phone if I’m having an excellent live experience, eg a great conversation.