Sorry for the off-topic, but reading this text I thought about myself.
I find myself at a critical point where I wonder what I should do next. I'm over 40 years old and have accumulated years of experience. Sometimes I feel like Neo when he controls the Matrix. Maybe I've been in the same role for too long, but it doesn't matter what project I'm assigned: I implement it with little difficulty (beyond the time cost, exhaustion, etc.).
On the other hand, despite the confidence they've always had in me, the place where I work is starting to feel hostile. Being an introverted person, I try to figure out if this is something that depends on me (and if I can redirect it) rather than looking for answers where I should. Being introverted, it seems unwise to start something that depends on my social skills. Conversely, every day it seems like new obstacles appear, as if going to a job that I liked 90% now feels like a problem.
I have to say, I work in a flat-structure company where the boss is a megalomaniac who wants to control everything. A good part of the new things we do are his impulsive ideas. The office is filled with figurines (dinosaurs, busts from 80s movies, ...) and motivational quotes. He gives talks about how well he does things and how great it is to work there, but he doesn't improve salaries or do anything to provide training, a better work environment, etc. He also plays dirty tricks on employees, like unexpectedly complicating pre-arranged vacations or trying to delay them without a real reason
While writing this, I realized that the 10% that made me not like the company has always been because of him. And if I don't like it, it's because of him.
The only thing that keeps me tied to this place (besides the money, since I don't live in the opulence of certain regions where software is very well paid) is the entrepreneurial spirit of having done so much in the product.
PS: If someone saw our product, the things we have done with just 4 people (on average), they would be amazed. And, with all humility, a large part of that has been driven by me, which ties me and kills me.
You deserve to be happy and you are not your job. I recommend not clinging to the work you've done. Treat all your work like a puff of smoke or a bubble on a stream.
Thank you for your comment. I'm working on it, to differentiate each aspect and to make it understood as well. It's hard for me because I have been badly accustomed to certain ideas. I do not rule out the idea of making a full reset.
I find myself at a critical point where I wonder what I should do next. I'm over 40 years old and have accumulated years of experience. Sometimes I feel like Neo when he controls the Matrix. Maybe I've been in the same role for too long, but it doesn't matter what project I'm assigned: I implement it with little difficulty (beyond the time cost, exhaustion, etc.).
On the other hand, despite the confidence they've always had in me, the place where I work is starting to feel hostile. Being an introverted person, I try to figure out if this is something that depends on me (and if I can redirect it) rather than looking for answers where I should. Being introverted, it seems unwise to start something that depends on my social skills. Conversely, every day it seems like new obstacles appear, as if going to a job that I liked 90% now feels like a problem.
I have to say, I work in a flat-structure company where the boss is a megalomaniac who wants to control everything. A good part of the new things we do are his impulsive ideas. The office is filled with figurines (dinosaurs, busts from 80s movies, ...) and motivational quotes. He gives talks about how well he does things and how great it is to work there, but he doesn't improve salaries or do anything to provide training, a better work environment, etc. He also plays dirty tricks on employees, like unexpectedly complicating pre-arranged vacations or trying to delay them without a real reason
While writing this, I realized that the 10% that made me not like the company has always been because of him. And if I don't like it, it's because of him.
The only thing that keeps me tied to this place (besides the money, since I don't live in the opulence of certain regions where software is very well paid) is the entrepreneurial spirit of having done so much in the product.
PS: If someone saw our product, the things we have done with just 4 people (on average), they would be amazed. And, with all humility, a large part of that has been driven by me, which ties me and kills me.