I don’t think you can both love someone while also thinking they “don’t matter at all”. But maybe your definition of love is different.
A parent simply telling their child, unconditionally, that they love them isn’t enough. You have to believe they do matter and are worth something.
If you can say that about your child despite their many flaws, and potentially how they might hurt you [1], to me is what unconditional love is more about.
[1] That is, humans aren’t perfect, and will on occasion hurt other humans, to some extent — especially children that are still developing and trying to figure out what is and isn’t appropriate.
I don't think you're reading me properly. I think the statement is bs, not the feeling. Of course the individual matters! That's my entire point about the statement being bs.
And to the other half, of course the conditions are incredibly nuanced and context dependent and probably unknowable to boot. It's not some sort of "three strikes and you're out" situation.
A parent simply telling their child, unconditionally, that they love them isn’t enough. You have to believe they do matter and are worth something.
If you can say that about your child despite their many flaws, and potentially how they might hurt you [1], to me is what unconditional love is more about.
[1] That is, humans aren’t perfect, and will on occasion hurt other humans, to some extent — especially children that are still developing and trying to figure out what is and isn’t appropriate.