It's the latter; I'm also not a mathematician, just a guy who worked through Halmos's "Naive Set Theory" in intense detail...
But your question actually hints at my most profound takeaway from that whole book. I think what you're saying is right, AND that foundations-of-mathematics folks spent a long intense period searching for different set theory axioms that did NOT lead to transfinite numbers. But anything anyone could come up with that included "the axiom of infinity" led to transfinites leaking in.
Which begs the question of how to think about these things. Are they "real"? Are they an oddball side effect that we shouldn't take seriously?
I think you've arrowed right to the philosophical heart of all of this.
Does everything become a paradox given enough time and/or thought?
I think we often end up at the end of logical thought processes back at the original question - how can we observe and describe a system that we are inherently a part of?
But your question actually hints at my most profound takeaway from that whole book. I think what you're saying is right, AND that foundations-of-mathematics folks spent a long intense period searching for different set theory axioms that did NOT lead to transfinite numbers. But anything anyone could come up with that included "the axiom of infinity" led to transfinites leaking in.
Which begs the question of how to think about these things. Are they "real"? Are they an oddball side effect that we shouldn't take seriously?
I think you've arrowed right to the philosophical heart of all of this.