In my mid-30s and I find myself yet at the bottom of another cycle of failure to make meaningful progress in the most basic parts of life. Traumatic childhood, blah blah, has almost cognitively neutered me. Therapy has helped little. Meds haven't done much. Life is crumbling.
I feel I have no choice but to accept that I am not wired to pursue my ambitions of being an entrepreneur, not with the executive dysfunction, social anxiety, and paralyzing fear that I have not been able to improve.
How do I accept that I will never amount to anything notable, let alone moderately respectable?
You have this vision of who you want to be that seems to be disconnected from who you are. I have seen happiness defined as making progress towards an ACHIEVABLE dream. It does not sound like you have locked onto an achievable dream yet.
I used to be very interested in entrepreneurship and would come up with App ideas and do a little playing around with them. Then I buckled down and read a lot of books on startups and business management. I realized that the kind of ideas I was coming up with required giant companies to execute and that I did not have the personality, money, or connections to run a giant company. My dream was fantasy!
So I worked on myself and found more realistic dreams, of being financially independent, being a good partner, a good friend, making a human-sized impact in my career, instead of a super-human sized impact.
It also took me awhile to realize that I had spent a lot of time consuming success porn. Like regular porn, it is a fantasy. Real people, in the millions and billions are not inventing the next whatever, speaking 8 languages and contributing to AI research on the weekend. Lots of this content is self promotion or marketing made by someone trying to sell something.
You don’t need to end up with a thousand foot statue of yourself towering over a subcontinent to live a meaningful life. Therapy, more therapy.