In her book “Neurosis and Human Growth: The Struggle Toward Self-Realization”, Karen Horney talks about breaking negative vicious cycles by slowly creating positive ones. In this case by lessening the standards of absolute perfection. Quoting from the book:
“Just as vicious circles were at work to entangle him more and more deeply in his neurosis, now there are circles working in the reverse direction. If for instance the patient lessens his standards of absolute perfection, his self-accusations also decrease. Hence he can afford to be more truthful about himself. He can examine himself without becoming frightened. This in turn renders him less dependent upon the analyst and gives him confidence in his own resources. At the same time his need to externalize his self-accusations decreases too. So he feels less threatened by others, or less hostile toward them, and can begin to have friendly feelings for them. Besides, the patient's courage and confidence in his ability to take charge of his own development gradually increase. In our discussions of the repercussions we focused upon the terror that results from the inner conflicts. This terror diminishes as the patient becomes clear about the direction he wants to take in his life. And his sense of direction alone gives him a greater feeling of unity and strength. Yet there is still another fear attached to his forward moves, one which we have not yet fully appreciated. This is a realistic fear of not being able to cope with life without his neurotic props. The neurotic is after all a magician living by his magic powers. Any step toward self-realization means relinquishing these powers and living by his existing resources. But as he realizes that he can in fact live without such illusions, and even live better without them, he gains faith in himself.”
Perfectioism is a complex topic. I highly recommend the book “Perfectionism: A Relational Approach to Conceptualization, Assessment, and Treatment” by Gordon Flett, Paul L. Hewitt, and Samuel F. Mikail. It won't magically solve the issue, but it will help you gain understading and awareness of the unconscious forces within you keeping perfectionism at work. I believe that awareness is the beginning of change.
“Just as vicious circles were at work to entangle him more and more deeply in his neurosis, now there are circles working in the reverse direction. If for instance the patient lessens his standards of absolute perfection, his self-accusations also decrease. Hence he can afford to be more truthful about himself. He can examine himself without becoming frightened. This in turn renders him less dependent upon the analyst and gives him confidence in his own resources. At the same time his need to externalize his self-accusations decreases too. So he feels less threatened by others, or less hostile toward them, and can begin to have friendly feelings for them. Besides, the patient's courage and confidence in his ability to take charge of his own development gradually increase. In our discussions of the repercussions we focused upon the terror that results from the inner conflicts. This terror diminishes as the patient becomes clear about the direction he wants to take in his life. And his sense of direction alone gives him a greater feeling of unity and strength. Yet there is still another fear attached to his forward moves, one which we have not yet fully appreciated. This is a realistic fear of not being able to cope with life without his neurotic props. The neurotic is after all a magician living by his magic powers. Any step toward self-realization means relinquishing these powers and living by his existing resources. But as he realizes that he can in fact live without such illusions, and even live better without them, he gains faith in himself.”
Perfectioism is a complex topic. I highly recommend the book “Perfectionism: A Relational Approach to Conceptualization, Assessment, and Treatment” by Gordon Flett, Paul L. Hewitt, and Samuel F. Mikail. It won't magically solve the issue, but it will help you gain understading and awareness of the unconscious forces within you keeping perfectionism at work. I believe that awareness is the beginning of change.