>> but I get into this space where it feels like a biological necessity.
You're not alone in feeling alone. A large percentage of people go through seasons of loneliness at times, and to a healthy degree it signals a need that is OK to have. Doesn't make it feel better in the moment, but I went thru a solid year+ of feeling alone after a big breakup.
>> how can I learn to be alone without feeling lonely? I feel like I need this lifeskill
For the vast majority of people, this is not a thing. Given you're writing this post, it's not you. People know by their 30s if they've got the loner mentality and are completely content in their own world. You're not weak for feeling alone, and it's not a skill you will ever master.
That said, loneliness can be exacerbated by things like shame/guilt that needs healing, poor sleep, excess stress, underlying health conditions, "winter blues", social media, lack of success on dating apps (d-appression), porn usage (interrupts innate intimacy drives), abuse of drugs/alcohol, etc.
Have you taken the opportunity to change after your divorce? Get a new place, find new hobbies, maybe a new job or a move? Some of the loneliness could be you're not listening to yourself asking for the change you really need. Loneliness is always a signal for connection - to connect with yourself, God, others, etc.
>> I have a pattern of loneliness pushing me into making very foolish decisions.
Everyone is like this. The buffalo separate from the herd is prime target for an evening meal. Find your herd.
You're not alone in feeling alone. A large percentage of people go through seasons of loneliness at times, and to a healthy degree it signals a need that is OK to have. Doesn't make it feel better in the moment, but I went thru a solid year+ of feeling alone after a big breakup.
>> how can I learn to be alone without feeling lonely? I feel like I need this lifeskill
For the vast majority of people, this is not a thing. Given you're writing this post, it's not you. People know by their 30s if they've got the loner mentality and are completely content in their own world. You're not weak for feeling alone, and it's not a skill you will ever master.
That said, loneliness can be exacerbated by things like shame/guilt that needs healing, poor sleep, excess stress, underlying health conditions, "winter blues", social media, lack of success on dating apps (d-appression), porn usage (interrupts innate intimacy drives), abuse of drugs/alcohol, etc.
Have you taken the opportunity to change after your divorce? Get a new place, find new hobbies, maybe a new job or a move? Some of the loneliness could be you're not listening to yourself asking for the change you really need. Loneliness is always a signal for connection - to connect with yourself, God, others, etc.
>> I have a pattern of loneliness pushing me into making very foolish decisions.
Everyone is like this. The buffalo separate from the herd is prime target for an evening meal. Find your herd.