I have wrestled with my own demons, some similar to yours.
What I found was I was missing authentic friendship and connection with people.
This was a long process, but the first step was to find safe trustworthy and interested people.
For you, some actionable steps:
Finding a good counselor is an excellent step. I won’t try to advise how to go about that, others have done a much better job than I could. One key would be to take action (and keep taking action). Also don’t just settle with the first counselor you find. Try several and choose which one helps you move in the right direction most.
Secondly I have personally found Headspace’s mediations on Loneliness and on Anxiety very helpful on a physiological level.
Everything else I have is less actionable.
Our hearts and emotions matter. Compassion matters. People being compassionate toward you, and you toward yourself. Being seen for who you are matters.
Your history indicates deep wounds. When our wounding comes within the context of relationships, healing also ends up needing to come from relationships. This will take time. You will have to find people you can trust.
Life is more than getting by. Find yourself, and find people who love you and respect you, as different as you may be.
This is a wake up call, who you are is signaling that you need more.
For you, some actionable steps: Finding a good counselor is an excellent step. I won’t try to advise how to go about that, others have done a much better job than I could. One key would be to take action (and keep taking action). Also don’t just settle with the first counselor you find. Try several and choose which one helps you move in the right direction most.
Secondly I have personally found Headspace’s mediations on Loneliness and on Anxiety very helpful on a physiological level.
Everything else I have is less actionable.
Our hearts and emotions matter. Compassion matters. People being compassionate toward you, and you toward yourself. Being seen for who you are matters.
Your history indicates deep wounds. When our wounding comes within the context of relationships, healing also ends up needing to come from relationships. This will take time. You will have to find people you can trust.
Life is more than getting by. Find yourself, and find people who love you and respect you, as different as you may be. This is a wake up call, who you are is signaling that you need more.