>The resistance I'm up against is that I feel like I'm just using people to alleviate the loneliness. It feels manipulative and inauthentic. Like I'm putting on a show in order to attract companionship. Thats why i want to learn how to be alone without being lonely, it frees me up to connect authentically.
I think I'm missing something here. Isn't this what friends are for? I call up (nonromantic) friends and be like, "I'm kind of lonely, wanna hang out?" That's not 'using people'. I don't feel used if a friend wants to hang in person or in Discord because they're feeling lonely.
You're right. I think you just pointed out a deep belief I currently hold regarding connecting with other people. I don't have it right. When I used to have friends in my late 20's, I didn't need a reason to hang. I don't know why I feel like I do now.
isn't that where hobbies come in? or volunteering for some cause? or something like that. whenever i joined a group it was always the hobby/cause/etc that was the reason for me to be there. not just the people. that also helps to deal with people in that group that you don't get along with. you are not there because of them. but it's the shared experience of achieving something together that helps build friendships.
I think I'm missing something here. Isn't this what friends are for? I call up (nonromantic) friends and be like, "I'm kind of lonely, wanna hang out?" That's not 'using people'. I don't feel used if a friend wants to hang in person or in Discord because they're feeling lonely.