I think I understand what you mean, but it’s hard for me to contextualize, because I’m still working through some of my own past to identify where some of my burn out began.
For my part, I love working at global scale on highly distributed systems, and find deep enjoyment in diving into the complexity that brings with it. What I didn’t enjoy was dealing with unrealistic expectations from management, mostly management outside my chain, for what the operations team I led should be responsible for. This culminated in an incident I won’t detail, but suffice to say I hadn’t left the office in more than 72 hours continuous, and the aftermath was I stopped giving a shit about what anyone other than my direct supervisor and my team thought about my work.
It’s not limited to operations or large systems, but every /job/ dissatisfaction I’ve had has been in retrospect caused by a disconnect between what I’m being held accountable for vs what I have control over. As long as I have control over what I’m responsible for, the complexity of the technology is a cakewalk in comparison to dealing with the people in the organization.
Now I’ve since switched careers to PM and I’ve literally taken on the role of doing things and being held responsible for things I have no control over and getting them done through influencing people rather than via direct effort. Pretty much the exact thing that made my life hell as an engineer is now my primary job.
Making that change made me realize a few things that helped actually ease my burn out and excite me again. Firstly, the system mostly reflects the organization rather than the organization reflecting the system. Secondly, the entire cultural balance in an organization is different for engineers vs managers, which has far-reaching consequences for WLB, QoL, and generally the quality of work. Finally, I realized that if you express yourself well you can set boundaries in any healthy organization which allows you to exert a sliding scale of control vs responsibility which is reasonable.
My #1 recommendation for you OP is to take all of your PTO yearly, and if you find work intruding into your time off realize you’re not part of a healthy organization and leave for greener pastures. Along the way, start taking therapy because it’s important to talk through this stuff and it’s really hard to find people who can understand your emotional context who aren’t mired in the same situation. Most engineers working on large scale systems I know are borderline alcoholics (myself too back then), and that’s not a healthy or sustainable coping strategy. Therapy can be massively helpful, including in empowering you to quit your job and go elsewhere.
For my part, I love working at global scale on highly distributed systems, and find deep enjoyment in diving into the complexity that brings with it. What I didn’t enjoy was dealing with unrealistic expectations from management, mostly management outside my chain, for what the operations team I led should be responsible for. This culminated in an incident I won’t detail, but suffice to say I hadn’t left the office in more than 72 hours continuous, and the aftermath was I stopped giving a shit about what anyone other than my direct supervisor and my team thought about my work.
It’s not limited to operations or large systems, but every /job/ dissatisfaction I’ve had has been in retrospect caused by a disconnect between what I’m being held accountable for vs what I have control over. As long as I have control over what I’m responsible for, the complexity of the technology is a cakewalk in comparison to dealing with the people in the organization.
Now I’ve since switched careers to PM and I’ve literally taken on the role of doing things and being held responsible for things I have no control over and getting them done through influencing people rather than via direct effort. Pretty much the exact thing that made my life hell as an engineer is now my primary job.
Making that change made me realize a few things that helped actually ease my burn out and excite me again. Firstly, the system mostly reflects the organization rather than the organization reflecting the system. Secondly, the entire cultural balance in an organization is different for engineers vs managers, which has far-reaching consequences for WLB, QoL, and generally the quality of work. Finally, I realized that if you express yourself well you can set boundaries in any healthy organization which allows you to exert a sliding scale of control vs responsibility which is reasonable.
My #1 recommendation for you OP is to take all of your PTO yearly, and if you find work intruding into your time off realize you’re not part of a healthy organization and leave for greener pastures. Along the way, start taking therapy because it’s important to talk through this stuff and it’s really hard to find people who can understand your emotional context who aren’t mired in the same situation. Most engineers working on large scale systems I know are borderline alcoholics (myself too back then), and that’s not a healthy or sustainable coping strategy. Therapy can be massively helpful, including in empowering you to quit your job and go elsewhere.