If it dings occasionally, it means your girlfriend is trying to reach you. If it dings continuously, it means she's breaking up with you.
Yes, I'm trying to be a little funny but the point is that (outside perhaps work?), you should probably be a bit more engaged with the people that mean something to you.
I really wouldn't assume too much about his situation.
My girlfriend has autism and when I want her attention I need to ask for it like 5 times over a space of 20 seconds, if I don't ask multiple times she will literally forget I even asked in the first place. Sometimes it literally takes a minute. This isn't because she doesn't care about me, it's just how her brain works.
Maybe this is just a better form of communication for him while he's focused on work. Please don't assume ill-intent, it just seems unnecessarily rude.
Out of curiosity, how does your girlfriend react if you just start talking to her without asking attention? (Reason I ask, occasionally I think I might be on the spectrum, and my SO has a habit of just starting to talk to me. Most of the time I miss the beginning, which annoys to no end my SO...)
Different from the person you replied to, but my wife is also autistic, and she does the exact same thing (both needing for me to ask for her attention multiple times and not hearing anything for the first little bit if I don't get it). It used to annoy me but then I realized that was a silly thing to be annoyed about, and I just had to change my mode of talking to her.
I think it's a nice thing to do, in any occasion (except when it's urgent) (friends, coworkers, family,…), to call someone (by saying their name or with a gesture, or something), let them take time to focus on you (and possibly write some note so they can come back to whatever they were doing easily), and then speak.
I know multiple people who need some time to switch to you when they are focused (either they can't listen before, or they can but would lose their track). And that's fine. And they are probably not autistic. They usually don't need to be called multiple times though, that would be a bit annoying but hey, what can one do. I'd probably get used to it.
I don't usually need time to switch to someone interrupting me but certainly don't like it when the other one assumes I'm listening before I showed I'm listening.
I'm very happy that the people I care about don't require me to engage with them constantly. Engaging with them in chats are not the right type of engagement if you ask me. Maybe I'm old.
Fine with me. Is this an age thing (I'm 39)? Most of my friend always have their phones on DND, answering usually in a couple of seconds to minutes but sometimes hours, sometimes days... There is not real expectation to answer fast. If you call they do call back soon, usually, or they pick up. Somehow I also find chat apps to have low priority compared to a call. Still I can't imaging a call being high priority, never really been in that situation... At least, unless we are about to meet and didn't pick a date or exact time yet.
Anyway, if any of my friends would be offended by being ignored for some hours, they're going to have bad time in our group.
> you should probably be a bit more engaged with the people that mean something to you
If someone is neurotypical and fully functional... maybe? For someone who isn't, this is basically "try harder to be normal", with all of the guilt and judgement that implies.
For example: Telling a person with chronic clinical depression they have no reason to be depressed and are being ungrateful for having a successful career.
Yes, I'm trying to be a little funny but the point is that (outside perhaps work?), you should probably be a bit more engaged with the people that mean something to you.