> We think we are being kind but it's the kindness of talking someone into jumping off a cliff instead of trying to climb back down. > > If you want your family members to have the best chance of coming home, tell them that you are not ready for them to go and that you still need them.

This omits important context.

Many of these people are suffering, and will continue to suffer as long as they live. Dementia, cancer, stroke, COPD, intubation. Even though "you still need them", keeping them alive through the miracle of modern medicine may be the wrong thing to do.

I hope, when I'm ready to go, that my family follows my wishes and does not push invasive and ultimately futile interventions on me.

My elderly mother has deteriorated to be entirely dependent on carers and bed-bound, I wish we could be merciful and let her die but UK law (apparently) requires she either be starved to death - which the medics have told us is a painful, horrible death - or be kept alive, with every intervention below surgery. It's vile.

She let go, they installed a feeding tube and ensured she couldn't die with what little dignity remained at the time.

She came back, in body, but rapidly lost what little of her self that remained. But now she lies in bed her life forcibly extended each day; completely devoid of a life, and hopefully devoid of cognition.

Frankly, it is inhumane.

> she said the #1 predictor of a bed opening up on their ward was a family member coming in and telling their sick relative that it was, "Okay to let go".

Wouldn’t that be because people are unlikely to say that except in the most dire circumstances?

Nope! A lot of generally healthy elderly people who had a broken bone or a normal surgery that resulted in a few days in-care and then catch a flu or pneumonia and would be visited by their families in the process.|

This is a risky state, as multiple concurrent issues increases fatalities. They already have their age, the surgery to heal from, and then throw a common infection on top of it all? You're in a red zone for survival at that point, but it's common enough and the fatalities are very low at that point unless you add in the secret ingredient.

That ingredient being a beloved family member that doesn't tend to make histrionics out of small crises, the calm and caring one of the family, you know? When that person tells you how they want you to stay but "if you need to go then go", tearfully bidding you adieu?

That's a straight up death sentence.

If your elderly family member is in a tight spot but has a decent life waiting on them to recover? Don't tell them it's okay to go. Tell them to fight like they're the third monkey on the ramp of Noah's Ark and it's starting to rain.

Then again, if they have severe issues, will never be outside of the institution again, they only have Jello night on Tuesdays to look forward to for the rest of their drooling, senile, smelly, miserable, and unfathomably uncomfortable lives, then that is when you tell them it's okay to go because literally nothing is better than where they will be if they survive.

While this is true, life at all costs is NOT always the best answer, and begging someone to hold on when they're ready for death is incredibly tragic and a little selfish on the part of the family IMO.

My grandpa has been clinging to life for the past couple of years for the benefit of his son despite the fact that he clearly doesn't fully exist on this plane anymore, and it's hard for me to watch. When I'm his age, I hope I'm surrounded by people that understand me enough to let me go when the time comes.

Hm, i was recently in a hospital room reading the pamphlets for grieving and soon to be grieving relatives and the "okay to let go" verbiage was actually recommended, although it was more directed at the family. It said it was much more common for family to be in denial, so please consult your doctor before saying goodbye i guess.