- memento mori: we’re all worm food and likely to be forgotten by the world at large. None of us knows the hour and manner of our deaths. There is no earthly or cosmic justice, no just desserts, no reward or punishment beyond what life offers.
- revealed preferences: what people actually spend their time doing is a better indicator of their values than what they say they want.
- people are not internally consistent, nor should we be: logical-minded people can get really frustrated when someone says they believe XYZ, but have other hypocritical or conflicting beliefs or actions. You won’t cajole people into reconciling their beliefs into a cohesive elegant whole—and that includes yourself (hello Rationalists). Live with it.
There are those with cognitive dissonance, i.e. those who will actually verbalize contradicting thoughts. However there are also plenty of people whose thoughts are fully consistent and logical. That said, those people will still behave contradictory to their thoughts.
> You won’t cajole people into reconciling their beliefs into a cohesive elegant whole
Logical arguments won't work on persuading an illogical person, that's true. However you don't have to live with it. There are plenty of other options besides logical arguments. There's bribing, coercion, and manipulation. Emotional appeal being a really successful technique in the manipulation category.
> .. and that includes yourself
Indeed it does. Logical thinking is great, but primarily done by the left brain hemisphere. I often witness myself doing things while thinking to myself how this wasn't the plan and how I still don't agree with my actions. That's because my plan was made primarily by logical thinking with no extra steps. However there is plenty of manipulation I can do on myself. For example if I have cookies that I shouldn't eat, the more effective strategy is to throw them away the first chance I get (to increase friction, the right hemisphere seems to love laziness), as opposed to thinking that I can always keep myself from eating them with pure willpower.
It sounds like you describe being in a state where the "shoulding" part of yourself hasn't really say in counsel with the other parts of yourself. Reconciling your urges with your less affectual sensations can help you conserve your willpower immensely. For the rest of the space I find digging into the idealizations we devise and breaking them down covers a lot of distance.
Specifically with sweets, including cookies, I rarely ever want them. They are so simple and almost never as enjoyable and nuanced as a well cooked and seasoned vegetable.
I had a friend that had some debts to pay off that she paid interest on and some spare cash during unused that she didn't need for any other purpose. She knew she was paying that interest and having the debt was costing her but she couldn't get herself motivated to pay it off.
Now, if she had an investment opportunity that reasonably safely paid a higher rate of return than the debt cost her, that may have been a more optimal choice. However, she had not reached that level of sophistication and the interest rate was high enough that paying the debts off made the most sense for her.
We talked about a variety of ways to look at it, from how paying it off she would have more money and flexibility over time and at the end of the term of the debt she would have a chunk of money she would not have. After looking at the many dimensions of the consideration she intellectually agreed paying the debt off was best. All those things seemed true but at the same time unimportant to her in the moment.
The conversation continued and I laid out the fact that every future moment is the rendering of all past actions in combination with the ongoing circumstances and happenings of life. That the payment today was choosing an immediately easier trajectory and more prosperous future to start immediately. This is just that future consideration moved into the current moment but it encoded making a choice that she understood to mean that her financial life would be not only easier but easier to make easier as she gained the ability to begin investing, seeing returns, and finding wealth growing and ever increasing rates.
This in frank terms meant she would be able to care less and less about money and more tightly focus on the things she did care about and paying off the debt was step one towards that viscerally improved life. She paid the debt off without any emotional effort the next day and has seen a mostly improving financial picture ever since.
The broad process was invoking the whole picture short and long term, increasingly integrating it into the moment where she was then in a way that connected to what she cared most about and aligned the outcome she agreed was most desirable with her current feeling states and preferences.
I offered vegetables and sweets. Do I care more about feeling awesome by default or having a moment of oral pleasure that is a bit flat and simple anyway? By actually integrating the full picture into my current moment my perspectives, preferences, and experiences have shifted over time. I still eat sweets every once in awhile and even binge a bit occasionally but it just reminds me that I really do like my kale and radicchio with mustard, sweet and spicy peppers, along with a little vinegar way more than sour peachy-os.
This is a very good write up. I love the concept of integrating the future into the current moment, so that you do get immediate gratification for something that doesn't normally offer it.
- revealed preferences: what people actually spend their time doing is a better indicator of their values than what they say they want.
- people are not internally consistent, nor should we be: logical-minded people can get really frustrated when someone says they believe XYZ, but have other hypocritical or conflicting beliefs or actions. You won’t cajole people into reconciling their beliefs into a cohesive elegant whole—and that includes yourself (hello Rationalists). Live with it.