Finding friendship as an adult is an unspoken challenge. I’ve had a little success, but it’s still much more of a challenge than I ever considered when I was younger
I recall hearing a story on public radio about a person who moves frequently between RV parks, and said that everyone there makes friends immediately because you don’t have time to feel people out.
I’ve wondered if there was something to that - I also wonder if I could do it in such a situation.
The best model for friendship I've heard as an adult is the "campfire model". It was explained in a Reddit comment that I can't find these days, but I will paraphrase below:
"I treat all of my friends as if I'm sitting alone in the wilderness, tending to my campfire. If they come by and want to stay for a while, that's nice, but if they have to go on I understand. Sometimes I go and visit their campfires, but then I have to leave."
It's not possible to have friends in adulthood the way they were had in youth; adults have responsibilities, families, and near-complete identities that clash against the demands of a highly-involved social group with lots of friends.
I think it's better that way. One or two close friends that you can trust for the rest of your life will be better than many new friends that have to be kept track of.
There are plenty; I think the campfire model is the one that allows you to hold the expectation that friends may go out of your life and not come back, which is a reality of growing older. If you don't expect that to happen, it hurts.
I have two thoughts here. You seem to imply that having many many shallow friends is normal... but it's not necessarily the case.
I think it's totally normal to have one or two close friends and then other more distant ones that are constantly coming and going.
Personally, yes adulthood changes things. Obviously, we're working and such. But, you also get to have way more fun as an adult than you could as a child.
> families
I don't understand why so many people find having kids an obstacle to making friends. If anything, my children have dramatically expanded my social network, since I'm now friends with their playmates parents.
Here's the second thought: I'm not sure I fully agree with the campfire model. If anything, my adult friendships are deeper and much better, and more 'involved', in that, I can call, text, interact, etc, with my friends while working via my phone, which we weren't allowed to do in grade school.
Also, since we're all adults with full lives, families, etc, the friendship is about more than just 'hey we both like <blah>', it's also about navigating through such a full life, whereas childhood friendships were about childish things.
I recall hearing a story on public radio about a person who moves frequently between RV parks, and said that everyone there makes friends immediately because you don’t have time to feel people out.
I’ve wondered if there was something to that - I also wonder if I could do it in such a situation.