I’ve found it useful to think of not-deciding as a decision. Right now you’re feeling paralysed and unable to decide. But, in a strange way, your decision is to avoid making a decision. Maybe that’s going to protect you from pain. Or maybe it’s going to close doors. Maybe it’ll do both. But thinking about not-deciding as a decision has helped me consider whether that decision to not-decide is working for me. YMMV, of course. I hope things work out for you, whatever route you take.