When you’re in the thick of it, the fog of war is real.
It’s hard to overstate how hard it is to leave this kind of project as a manager. You spend years of your life building relationships with engineers and trying (and sometimes failing, admittedly, but trying) to protect them. You know the situation is a disaster and you want to get out of it. But you’re afraid of letting down your people and hurting their careers. You’re afraid the next person won’t be able to protect them as well. You’re afraid of losing the years in your resume and not accomplishing anything. You’re afraid of being a failure if you give up. When your body is breaking down due to the stress, you’re afraid to lose your health insurance.
You’re right - I should have quit as soon as it was clear it was a death march. But in the shit, I found it almost impossible to lift my head up and say “this is literally killing me, I quit”. When each individual day is at your maximum trauma threshold, it’s hard to work up the time, willpower, or ability to interview prep and change companies.
Thanks for clarifying, and really sorry that you had to go through all of that. As I read, I see that there were many factors at play, some of them personal, some of them cultural -- in my country, the health insurance doesn't depend on employer, for example. But on the other hand, I also saw some people here killing themselves to work, mostly not to let down others.
It’s hard to overstate how hard it is to leave this kind of project as a manager. You spend years of your life building relationships with engineers and trying (and sometimes failing, admittedly, but trying) to protect them. You know the situation is a disaster and you want to get out of it. But you’re afraid of letting down your people and hurting their careers. You’re afraid the next person won’t be able to protect them as well. You’re afraid of losing the years in your resume and not accomplishing anything. You’re afraid of being a failure if you give up. When your body is breaking down due to the stress, you’re afraid to lose your health insurance.
You’re right - I should have quit as soon as it was clear it was a death march. But in the shit, I found it almost impossible to lift my head up and say “this is literally killing me, I quit”. When each individual day is at your maximum trauma threshold, it’s hard to work up the time, willpower, or ability to interview prep and change companies.
I regret it immensely.