I'm not sure if this is a joke or not. It sounds like whaty you are asking for is All the benefits, none of the costs, someone else that does all the work and you get it for a bargain. And nobody has offerred this yet is a mystery?
It sounds like your best bet is to buy a cookie-cutter in the suburbs and a generator.
I had this same thought. Someone who does not like DIY should not be thinking about living in an off grid cabin in the woods. Everything you do is diy, you can't just call in a contractor when your wellhead freezes or your wood shed collapses. Off grid living is hard-ass-work
It sounds like your best bet is to buy a cookie-cutter in the suburbs and a generator.