It is amazing the impact of finding something in your life you can control and build on that.
Start off by putting 24*7 hours on an Excel sheet, fill them in with your sleep and obligations and necessary rest, then work out whether you have 60 minutes a week for you. If you do, start from there.
In those 60 minutes of your time, figure out how you can increase it to 120 minutes a week. Maybe you say NO to that unpaid overtime, or let some of those chores slip, or ask your wife to do 1 particular chore.
Then slowly build out from there. Once you are at 8 hours a week you can possibly consider a bigger thing, for example learning new tech or passing interviews that could land you a job that you love, that you do less hours. Or seeing if you can be a digital nomad and plan that out for after covid.
And then let it snowball.
Eventually you will not feel like "I have no agency over my own life".
What you do with your marriage - then that's up to you but you'll be in a better place to answer it.
> Eventually you will not feel like "I have no agency over my own life".
The fact that you have to resort to an excel spreadsheet implies that you have no agency over your life. People with actual agency over their lives don't have to squeeze a few minutes for themselves no more than a wealthy person has to search between the cushions for pocket change.
I disagree, but even assuming you are correct there, I think there is a roadmap. The key is to get some wins under your belt. It's like getting fit. Don't try to run 10k from sedate lifestyle. Try to walk 2k with a couple of jogs along the way.
Start off by putting 24*7 hours on an Excel sheet, fill them in with your sleep and obligations and necessary rest, then work out whether you have 60 minutes a week for you. If you do, start from there.
In those 60 minutes of your time, figure out how you can increase it to 120 minutes a week. Maybe you say NO to that unpaid overtime, or let some of those chores slip, or ask your wife to do 1 particular chore.
Then slowly build out from there. Once you are at 8 hours a week you can possibly consider a bigger thing, for example learning new tech or passing interviews that could land you a job that you love, that you do less hours. Or seeing if you can be a digital nomad and plan that out for after covid.
And then let it snowball.
Eventually you will not feel like "I have no agency over my own life".
What you do with your marriage - then that's up to you but you'll be in a better place to answer it.