As someone whose parents were actual child psychologists, and a wife who's professionally certified in child care, I don't think the manual helps. We've seen all the manuals and even written a few, and they tend to be pseudoscience, even the ones written by academics. There's lots of data on what children do, what ages they do it, why they do it. But most of it is not helpful; they are simply manuals. A lot of it is not field-tested, just logs.
Things you should be aware of like Terrible Twos, which is the age where they want agency over the world and try all kinds of behavior to see what they can impact.
In the early stages, you should also be aware that sleeping is a skill. Many babies don't learn it properly. Many kids fall asleep because of coddling and such, and can't figure out how sleep without that routine. There's a lot of advice, about how to put your baby to sleep based on this principle. Ignore half of it and figure out what works for you.
There will be lots of crying and sleepless nights. Babies who sleep late are tired. They don't get enough sleep. Then they can't sleep because they're too tired to sleep. And it's a nasty cycle. Try not to bring your baby out at nights unless absolutely possible.
In general, what works for us is treating them as newbie humans. Instead of spanking or forcing them, try to convince them. Sometimes this means letting them get hurt. But do it in a harmless way, like letting them bite a raw onion when you told them not to, or touch a hot-but-not-scalding bowl of soup.
They will imitate what others do, especially their ages and their parents. Put them in good company. Every child is a different human; a big part of it is nature. So never compare your child with another. You'll see some babies with egos, some are kind-hearted, some are stubborn, some are selfish, some are violent.
The good manuals are probably those with instructions, and not so much those with psychology. It's a bit like diets in that sense (both the good and bad). Good luck and congratulations!
> and they tend to be pseudoscience, even the ones written by academics.
Very true.
And you will find yourself inundated with advice from other parents, constantly. Each will tell you their perfect system/approach for dealing with a particular problem, and the this will be met with opposite advice from another.
The thing to remember is that there are things that are broadly true of all children, but children are individuals. Even at a tiny age.
I know people with seven year olds who won't sleep for more than 2 hours at a time. I know people who've had babies that slept overnight, with no screaming/issues from 9 months onward.
My only real contribution here would be to suggest "cloth diapers". They're easy to work with, if you have decent laundry facilities, and they'll save you a fortune over the use of disposable ones for the 1-4 years you'll need them.
Regardless of good/bad sleep and adaptation take some time to yourself, and make sure you give your partner space, regularly. I've known people who've never gone out until their child was five! It's rough the first time you leave your baby with a sitter/friend/neighbour, but it's crucial for your well-being to have at least some time out/off/away.
This is good reply. Can you shed some light on what apart from coddling can help a baby sleep? Is there a way to try and make the baby pick up that skill, like you've mentioned here?
> In the early stages, you should also be aware that sleeping is a skill. Many babies don't learn it properly. Many kids fall asleep because of coddling and such, and can't figure out how sleep without that routine.
Every kid is different so YMMV. In my experience (N=2) the biggest factors were:
* Full bellies (more milk!)
* Dark rooms (blackout curtains)
* white noise
* Consistent routine (more relevant after 6-9 months)
For us the general idea was that we wanted to be able to put them down in the crib awake so they could learn to fall asleep on their own rather than always nursing/holding them until they feel asleep and then trying to put them down. I cannot stress enough that every kid (and parent) is different so your mileage may vary.
The three big things are rhythmic motions (swinging, car rides, bouncing), sucking, swaddling. (Dr M. Weissbluth) Sounds also seem to a big thing - I think they like low frequency noise like daddy's humming. But lullabies and conversations work too.
The advice I got from a professional is to swaddle the baby by 6 PM, put the baby in a room, by themselves, and let them fall asleep. Sometimes the baby will cry for a period of time before they find a way to sleep. If you help them out while they're crying, they won't pick up the skill. Leaving a baby to cry alone in a room seems a little cruel, and it didn't work for us, because we couldn't muster the resolve for it and because some other family members wouldn't take it.
What I prefer to do is to preemptively do the calming behaviour before bedtime. Like swaddle the baby and take her for a stroller ride at 6 PM. And then mix it up and gradually reduce it. The routine itself isn't necessarily a bad thing, but avoid it being anything you wouldn't do every day for a year, e.g. breast milk before bed, or carrying them around.
Our first daughter didn't learn to calm herself until around 3 years old. Second was about 8 months. It was a relief when she learned to suck her thumbs before sleep, as that's self-reliant.
You'll also want to deal with colic very early on because that's usually the #1 cause of a cranky, difficult baby. There's a lot of home remedies for mother and child and a good number of them is to prevent colic for this reason. Whether they work is up to experimentation. We are skeptics and would avoid the usual home routines to see what happened. Next baby we'll follow everything.
Things you should be aware of like Terrible Twos, which is the age where they want agency over the world and try all kinds of behavior to see what they can impact.
In the early stages, you should also be aware that sleeping is a skill. Many babies don't learn it properly. Many kids fall asleep because of coddling and such, and can't figure out how sleep without that routine. There's a lot of advice, about how to put your baby to sleep based on this principle. Ignore half of it and figure out what works for you.
There will be lots of crying and sleepless nights. Babies who sleep late are tired. They don't get enough sleep. Then they can't sleep because they're too tired to sleep. And it's a nasty cycle. Try not to bring your baby out at nights unless absolutely possible.
In general, what works for us is treating them as newbie humans. Instead of spanking or forcing them, try to convince them. Sometimes this means letting them get hurt. But do it in a harmless way, like letting them bite a raw onion when you told them not to, or touch a hot-but-not-scalding bowl of soup.
They will imitate what others do, especially their ages and their parents. Put them in good company. Every child is a different human; a big part of it is nature. So never compare your child with another. You'll see some babies with egos, some are kind-hearted, some are stubborn, some are selfish, some are violent.
The good manuals are probably those with instructions, and not so much those with psychology. It's a bit like diets in that sense (both the good and bad). Good luck and congratulations!