Coming from scandinavian welfare state, it is really difficult for me to understand why someone would give to their relatives some of their income. Especially if you earn it by working, and the reasoning being so that they don't have to worry about money = have less pressure to work.
I don't want to judge anyone, just wanted to state that there is clearly quite a big cultural gap here. I don't know anyone around here who would do similar things.
> it is really difficult for me to understand why someone would give to their relatives some of their income.
This is an interesting mindset. I don't want to judge you either, but I never understood the value of keeping my money and collecting wealth. If I were struggling, I wouldn't go out of my way to help my family. But if I had extra income, I would help my family if they were in need.
He is from a country with a strong socialist welfare system, so when one is in need, the government is there to assist them and they don't need to feel like they are a burden on their family and friends.
Agreed, but this reminds me of the old joke about a bruised scout who comes limping to his friends. "What happened?", they ask. "I helped an old lady cross the street", says the scout. "But why are you so hurt?" "She didn't want to cross the street".
Obviously, if my family doesn't need help, I wouldn't try to give them money. But if they were in need, I wouldn't say that it's not my responsibility to help either. I think this is a simple judgement call. The efficiency of the Scandinavian welfare system is besides the point.
There is factually/intellectually understanding it, and then there is being able to see things through that point of view, which opens up in depth discussions from it.
As parent said, he may have the first type, but not the second, so it's hard for him to answer on it without making it sound like a culture clash.
My non-European partner gives money to their parents despite being fairly middle-class and fiscally stable. You're right, it's cultural - theirs expects grown children to contribute to the parents after spending their childhood paying for them. It's an investment into the family unit as a whole, as the family will support you beyond what the state welfare could provide. Had a car accident and need some money? The family can help. Want help with a deposit for a place? The family will contribute.
In my waspy American family, nobody asks for help or even would let it be known they are in need. It would be an embarrassment. We are individual capitalist and you must not be weak!
That said, there are a few deadbeats who try to take advantage by always being in need. But only to finance their life of leisure, not real need.
Brit here. We have a welfare state (just about...), though it's getting pretty grim lately.
I've given a decent amount to family over the years. For the most part it's about a recognition of what people have done for me. My mother sacrificed significantly so that I could be the person I am today.
Not every country rewards work equivalently. In Sweden I see people working in supermarkets and petrol stations that still have decent lives. Norway is wealthier still.
That's not the case in Britain for the most part - we have much higher income inequality. Someone can work a full time job and still struggle, because the low end jobs pay biscuits.
(This is probably a significant contributor to the sticker shock I have when shopping in Scandinavia - the staff actually get paid...)
Real income in the UK has plummeted in the last two decades. The government's employment figures are just smoke and mirrors masking a gig economy full of low pay and sofa-surfing. The government has now started harassing low-income in-work housing benefit claimants to make sure they are doing enough to increase their hours. This is new territory as the housing element in Universal Credit payments was previously exempt from sanctions.
siblings are one thing, but your parents most likely worked very hard and spent a lot of money on you when you were young. They probably sacrificed some of their desires just so you could get an education, live comfortably, etc.
If you can repay them somehow and make their lives easier, why not do so?
American here, my retired mom gets only "social security", which is about $700/mo. I have to give her some of my income or she would sink. (I don't give her cash directly, but I take care of repairs on her house, new appliances, her car maintenance, etc)
I wish her pension would cover her real living expenses.
It is common in asian cultures (I'm from India), where kids take care of parents and even extended families like uncles etc as they grow old. Though this pattern is shrinking in cities, most of them do keep aside money for their parents during their old age. In old times, whatever people earn is not for them to keep. The money from all the bread winners will be pooled by elders and will be shared by everyone for running of the joint family. This too is becoming uncommon but atleast people keep aside money (or some equivalent) so that it can be used for expenses of aged parents ...
I can't comprehend how you could judge someone negatively for wanting to provide for their family. So yes there does seem to be a huge cultural gap here and in this case I don't think Scandanavia does it better. Even if I lived in a country with a good safety net I would want to share my success with my family.
I know several Scandinavians personally who help their friends & family monetarily. It's also real common in Estonia, which is about a hundred miles from Scandinavia. Thus I don't think helping family is something that is missing in the region. More likely it's just a blind spot for spottybanana.
Most of Canada (population wise) is about a hundred miles from the USA. They even speak the same language! Yet ... assuming a similar set of moral archetypes and social behaviors on that basis would be a mistake.
Do you think Seattle is more similar to Vancouver or to some city in Alabama?
It's not an absolute rule for sure, especially over a short period, just look at Korea. However I've found that distance generally plays a very large role in culture, especially if given enough time. Of course it doesn't determine everything. You can find completely different cultures in different blocks in New York city. People don't always see eye-to-eye with their neighbor just some meters away.
In the case of Estonia & Scandinavia the history is rather long and entangled. There are the Vikings, who liked nearby islands - including islands of Estonia that aren't Scandinavia. There have been periods where Estonia was conquered and part of both the Swedish kingdom and the Danish kingdom. Even the Danish flag is attributed to a battle in Estonia. [1]
Would I say that Estonian culture is a copy of Swedish or Danish culture? Definitely not, there are significant differences. There are also big differences between rural and urban areas. There's probably more similarities between Estonian farmers and Swedish farmers than Estonian farmers & Estonian software developers.
At the end of the day, you can't deterministically say anything at all about a group of people, even if it's a small group. Saying something general about people in an area as large as Scandinavia is always going to be probabilistic.
Yup, there are many such hard to understand gaps from both sides. E.g. one such thing would be, in the "west" (I guess it's the same for Scandinavia) it is so common that parents are being put in old people's homes to spend their last moments of life among strange people, instead of their children taking care of them at home.
Really you guys don't do that? umm we do appreciate family values here. my brother who makes a lots of money just bought new car for my other brother who doesn't work yet i guess it's good thing to do this you win the family.
Coming from a different country it is really difficult to understand why someone would keep their money for themselves instead of helping their families. Over here families thrive and fail together.
I don't want to judge anyone, just wanted to state that there is clearly quite a big cultural gap here. I don't know anyone around here who would do similar things.