The first step of solving the problem of being "a depressed man-child, living on grant money and parental support" is to recognize the problem. You did that.
Fixing the income source will help. Note that the women will be looking at long-term prospects, so being on a path to near-future graduation with a viable degree is about as good as actually having a good job. Since you are "supposed to be graduating next week", you are probably have a decent status right now. The better ones are wondering if you can reliably support a family for decades, not if you can buy them toys today.
There isn't much physical aspect of dating for most of the people who are serious about starting a family. For those people, that stuff still waits for after the wedding. Suggesting otherwise would be a red flag for them, and you might want to view it the same way. If you can get yourself to honestly view it that way, then you have a legit answer to any questions they may have about your experience.
I'm well aware of and willing to admit my problems, so that's sorted out. The job situation is a major source of anxiety for me, as I don't look good on paper, and I'm not confident in my abilities to do technical interviews. Furthermore, though I'll have a CS B.S. from a high ranking public uni come next week -- my GPA is terrible, I have no internship experience, almost no personal projects, and a criminal record in another state. Since I transferred to this uni, I became more reclusive and depressive; it's a miracle I'll even get the stupid degree.
As for the dating thing. I have no interest in starting a family, and I specifically don't want to date women who are adamant about that kind of life. There are a lot of things I want to do, and having children would destroy my chances (at least the way I see it).
I would love to hear more about this: "lot of things I want to do, and having children would destroy my chances"
I assume you really just mean that those things would be irresponsible if you had kids. I can make a few guesses, but I'd like to hear it from you. My guesses...
1. secret agent for the CIA
2. wingsuit BASE jumping
3. test pilot for Blue Origin, SpaceX, Sierra Nevada, Boom Technology, Virgin Galactic, or Reaction Engines Limited
In that case, head over to rural Nevada and make a 100% legal cash transaction for physical activity. This satisfies you without improperly taking advantage of anybody who is looking for a family man.
Fixing the income source will help. Note that the women will be looking at long-term prospects, so being on a path to near-future graduation with a viable degree is about as good as actually having a good job. Since you are "supposed to be graduating next week", you are probably have a decent status right now. The better ones are wondering if you can reliably support a family for decades, not if you can buy them toys today.
There isn't much physical aspect of dating for most of the people who are serious about starting a family. For those people, that stuff still waits for after the wedding. Suggesting otherwise would be a red flag for them, and you might want to view it the same way. If you can get yourself to honestly view it that way, then you have a legit answer to any questions they may have about your experience.