I bought a "real" diamond after protracted negotiations (with my SO, not the diamond seller), and I still don't really understand it. She cried more during the process than when her grandmother was dying, and she still wanted one particular diamond even though I'd explicitly given a significantly larger budget for either lab grown or moissanite.

And although she understood why there was no real difference outside of price, I think she was very worried she would be judged by other women for not having (or being worth) a "real" diamond. She also felt that she wanted something that showed (again, to whom?) I recognized her commitment to me and that I thought she deserved to have the things she wanted, whatever they might be. She got me something in return which I never expected, so it wasn't at all one sided.

And it really is amazing seeing all of the reactions and sidelong glances other women give to her ring. I've never noticed anyone's jewelry in any detail beyond that they were wearing some, but now it's like we're surrounded by car fanatics and she has a McLaren P1 strapped to her hand.

Will she carry around the certificate of authenticity to show her girlfriends as she's showing off the ring? Better carry the price tag around as well. That'll make them even more jealous, which, after all, is really the purpose of this whole kabuki dance.

A little guidance to people who may be in a similar situation. Just get what she wants.

" I think she was very worried she would be judged by other women for not having (or being worth) a "real" diamond. "

Your projecting your own ideas on her.

"She also felt that she wanted something that showed (again, to whom?) I recognized her commitment to me and that I thought she deserved to have the things she wanted, whatever they might be. "

The 'to whom' is to her. It's what she wanted. Give it to her, don't fight her about it.

> A little guidance to people who may be in a similar situation. Just get what she wants.

This is, frankly, very bad advice. If you don't care about the money or your values are aligned with buying an expensive natural diamond, then sure, go for it, but that's not the person who needs advice in this situation anyway. Arguments over money are a leading cause of conflicts in relationships. Failing to address a disagreement on a large purchase like this and the underlying values that cause the disagreement are quite likely to cause conflict in your marriage.

Personally, if a potential spouse felt strongly that an expensive natural diamond was necessary, I'd consider it, but I'd need to hear some good reasoning. In the absence of other information, wanting an expensive natural diamond indicates to me a very large mismatch in values between me and the potential spouse, and I'd want to understand that mismatch before we commit to sharing finances and teaching children our values.

I don't view this as "fighting her about it", either. It's not me versus her, it's us trying to gain a better understanding of each others viewpoints and using that understanding to assess our compatibility.

>> " I think she was very worried she would be judged by other women for not having (or being worth) a "real" diamond. "

> Your projecting your own ideas on her.

Alternate theory: maybe he talked to his wife and she said that. It seems that you're making a very large assumption that the poster hasn't talked to his own wife about this.

>And although she understood why there was no real difference outside of price, I think she was very worried she would be judged by other women for not having (or being worth) a "real" diamond.

get fake diamond, claim it's real to everyone else. it's not like they can tell the difference, or they will take her ring to get tested.

Oh, I told her I'd ordered a duplicate ring with lab grown stones of identical quality, and she could have them appraised and choose whichever one she thought was better.

I haven't been snarled at many times in my life, but that was one of them.

Just think of it as a real 356 Roadster vs a reproduction fiberglass 356 Roadster, one will get a "that's nice" while the other will get a "dude, really!" from your buddies.

She probably feels like its dishonest. Like hanging a fake painting.

I get that, which is why the whole thing is such a shame.

I hate that people don't just get what they want. I suppose I could be projecting, but it's like when someone shows off their engagement ring and the diamond is quite small, but then everyone has to act all amazed and find ways to gush about it. Sure, maybe they wanted something simple and modest and not too flashy (which I definitely agree with), but it just makes me think how much better off everyone would be if they bought a non-diamond ring with the same amount of money (or less!) and had something more special.

As somebody who recently had to buy a replacement wedding ring I can assure you price of jewellery has little to do with price of materials. Mark-up is huge, but knowing this doesn't help you much if everyone is on the racket (to some extent).

> if they look identical to the naked eye, how can jewelers and debeers justify buying the naturals? are you now buying the diamond for its "history" or "story"?

For some certificate of "naturalness" that comes with the diamond which the jeweler will be able hand out to his customers.

They have control over the natural diamond production, much less so over the (man-made) diamonds industry. If they want the "diamonds are forever" adage to survive, they need the public to get the opinion that natural is the real thing.