This idea keeps coming up a lot in conversations, usually around avoiding or recovering from burnout, but I'm curious what comes to mind when you hear the word? And what exactly does the process of building 'resilience' entail?
"Wehmut" literally: 'The courage in feeling pain'.
This is powerful. I feel like this courageous curiosity has been the primary virtue or trait that I've been exploring and aiming to cultivate more than any other during the past couple of years.
As a non-German speaker I'd be interested how this relates to melancholy (these to me feel like quite different emotional states).
As a native German speaker, I wouldn't translate "mut" in Wehmut as courage. Here it rather is the same as "mood" (and the English word has the same roots). Like in "Anmut", "Dehmut", "Unmut" etc.
So Wehmut literally would be something like "woeful mood" and you could use it more or less synonymous with melancholia (or nostalgia for example).
To my (vague) knowledge, it is an word coined in romanticism to replace the French-rooted word Nostalgie, Schwermut was coined for Melancholie. The movement was fairly nationalistic and was unhappy with the dominance of French in high culture at that time. So they went ahead and coined "German" words were ones with French (or Latin) roots were used.
But please check/correct me on that, my memory might be betraying me here. Not even sure about the source...
I don’t really think it is 100% synonymous with melancholia, but that’s probably (sadly?) the way it used today. Wehmut is a little bit of a rare and oldfashioned word which got fashionable in the romantic era through (among others) works of Goethe and got modern reuse in the fantastic Donald Duck translations of Erika Fuchs.
I actually would not read too much into these. The German language builds heavily composed words. To me intuitively they mean mostly just the translation presented in the post and I would rarely reflect about the origin. There might be slight changes in connotation from the English, but I doubt it says all too much about the German using them (at least I can tell that about me when using the word wehmut). Particularly the stem "mut" is much to ubiquitous and mostly meaningless to the speaker these days.
Sure it is interesting but one can also dig into the etymology of any other language...
I think it's a mistranslation, though. The "mut" in "wehmut" does not mean courage. Looking up the etymology, the word "wehmut" seems to come from "wehmütig", which literally means something like being in a painful state of mind.
According to Wikipedia, melancholy included the present in it's reflection.
I.e. you remember how great that house you grew up in was, and how your current apartment is terrible in comparison
Wehmut on the other hand doesn't need a current reflection... Which is much harder to find an example for, which is probably also why it's basically never used irl
While the memory is kinda painful, your personal mood doesn't necessarily have to become negative from wehmut either, while it's easy to write like that... Good luck finding a situation in which this applies.
I know the definition but really struggled to find an applicable example. Maybe if you're recalling a broken leg some time ago and how hard life was with it? It still feels like we compared it to the present, honestly. We just didn't spell it out.
You say that somebody is wehmütig when he is purposefully trying to be sad and down on him or herself or everybody, so Wehmut is somewhat derogatory. If you tell somebody that they are wehmütig, it means that they are actively being dumb, basically. Melancholy is more like a wistful sadness also considered negative but connected to some tragic event or maybe when thinking about better times in the past a bit too much.
> I'd be interested how this relates to melancholy
Melancholy pertains to one’s internal state. It is a state of being, and one that accepts the circumstances as they are. (It also contains notes of inevitability.)
Wehmut is more active. The outcome is evitable. One accepts them, and the pain they will cause, but perseveres, usually towards a brighter outcome. At worst, it’s Sisyphean with an unknown ending.
Stoicism accepts discomfort for its own sake, and the futility in fighting it. Wehmut is less fatalistic. It is about experiencing unavoidable pain in pursuit of a worthy goal.
"Who are you willing to continue to become, even after you’ve accomplished some success? What are you willing to risk, to continue going in the direction that is calling you?"
This is a really provocative and powerful post, you have a unique coaching perspective being grounded in somatic trauma therapy.
As a fellow male (British) ex-startup founder I can certainly relate to being disconnected from my emotions. What are some of the most effective means for encouraging your conversation partners to start listening and tune in?
Also, what might be some questions to ask a potential coach to see if the relationship would be a good fit?
I'd like to reframe this, I think there's only one way to know if someone is a good fit for you - to have a proper, real, deep coaching session. As a software founder I have the idea of a "trial" baked into me, so I think this is no different here. I sometimes coach people for weeks at a time (there's no payment), so that both of us know whether this is right for us (I have the privilege that money is not an issue for me). So that I think is the most powerful, because at that point someone can truthfully commit and go all in and I think for a coaching partnership to be successful, that's the only way in my mind. When someone asks me I often say "let's coach and you can make up your mind after...", this really takes the pressure off, which can otherwise dilute a process that I think is honestly, holy in my book. In other words, if there's a coach you think could be helpful, ask them for a free, full-on coaching session so you can understand if there's a good fit.
And the most effective means to tune in in my experience are simply finding ways to slow down. Pausing, in talking, in walking, being in places that are less crowded. Tuning in during a walk in a park is much easier than in a busy restaurant. And pointing things out that you notice if someone is really charged about something, although that is a delicate process of course. But that's where I'd start.
I really loved your article. In software we are accustomed to constant progress, and we are sometimes on this perpetual hype train. Which creates this stress of the next thing you need to learn, stay ahead of the game, I wonder if in software we should more focus on calm as a counterbalance to hype. A recent HN article I liked for instance focussed on calm apps that instead of constantly bugging you, they quietly do their job.
Agreed, success can be a lonely journey. That's why it's important to have the right kind of support. Courage is not something that comes from within, it comes from the confidence you gain as a result of feeling nurtured and supported by your peers.
It's important to think of success not as a destination, but as a means to a more meaningful end. Because success gives you the necessary tools and momentum to drive even more positive change in the world. As a successful person who has proven the value of their skills, it's your duty to leverage your past successes to maximize the positive impact that you can have in the world through more successful ventures. It's important to not let that raw innate talent go to waste because it is a rare and precious resource for all of humanity.
You must keep pushing forward knowing that your success is directly correlated with the good of society. At times, it may not seem that way, but if you look at historical evidence, there is a strong correlation between wealth inequality and the well being of society as a whole. As a successful person, you are the product and a symbol of a healthy society and your duty is to continue on this never ending journey to inspire others and to drive positive change in the world.
The best way to help the rest of the world succeed is by furthering your own success.
"Be the change that you wish to see in the world" - Mahatma Gandhi
You need to learn to trust the system which allowed you to succeed in the first place and rest assured that others who share this level of trust and commitment will also succeed.
If you're currently struggling to follow your inner voice and you feel like you need some guidance, don't hesitate to get in touch with me via private messages. My fees are reasonable.
I’m confused about how you can give this advice so generally. It seems like you are saying that financial success always indicates a good process and is always a good outcome for society.
At the risk of looking either naive or mean: is this parody?
>What are some of the most effective means for encouraging your conversation partners to start listening and tune in?
Couple therapy? There is an abundance of counselors, and since you're the one doing all the work anyway it will hardly matter they have no startup expertise.
"I heard someone recently say that they are so scared of doing nothing and just being because they’re afraid that when the engine stops, it can never be turned back on."
I had this exact conversation with my friend last night, she was saying that she was spinning so many plates and afraid that if she let them fall she'd never have the energy to pick any of them back up... feels like it might be true for a lot of people in the tech space.
Rest, relaxation are like sleep. If you're not waking up refreshed and in a good mood, it may be because you were unable to 'turn off the engine'.
Creativity doesn't come from thinking. Nor does enjoying what others have created (and letting them know). Nor does having a sense of humor (try not having one for a while ... see what that does for your social life). And trying to do 10 things at once leads to mistakes and doing far less of them to the best of your ability. Let the machines enjoy being a machine.
