I think back on my past and all the evil actions I have taken have all been fed by very low self-worth and insecurity.

When you think of yourself as below everyone else, trying to bring them down to your level with malicious acts can feel like quite reasonable. You're "punching up" so you can feel a sense of righteous justification.

It's only looking back that I realize I wasn't nearly as weak as I thought.

On a more serious note, this is also why I'm wary of the "punching up" or "punching down" rethoric, because it's often easy to downplay any form of violence as justified retribution.

My favorite that I use on a regular basis, from Tracy: "I can't change! I'm like a chameleon -- always a lizard."

I have tried all kinds of blocking software and strategies. Blocking software, however elaborate, never seems to make a different. You find one way or another to get around the block and then after a while turning off the block just becomes part of your muscle memory. The most extreme thing I tried was cutting off the internet to my house and going back to a dumbphone for 6 months. For sure, I probably had less screen time. But I also spent many hours sitting in the station using the public wifi or watching hours and hours of pointless television.

This is a really tough nut to crack. I think there is probably no technological solution to it.

For me, I noticed I have no compulsion to surf after hanging out with friends where I have their attention and curiosity and they have mine. It is like an oxytocin surge that depletes overtime and needs recharging. Scrolling is like junk food in that it feels like a recharge but empties as soon as I stop.

I now call up a friend or arrange a hangout if I feel like I’m running low and it’s amazing how many friends are delighted to hear from me but then never reach out.

Even people older, like me, who grew up without these things for a good portion of their life. They lost the ability to be bored and need to relearn it.

I personally have always refused to get sucked into the phone. Never turned notifications on, never cared about social media, etc. I don't like video'ing the concert I'm attending. I like being present and I love being bored.

I have noticed that usually people who make it their mission to stop doing a thing are replacing that thing with the mission itself. This strategy is always bound for failure, because the moment it starts to work for them is the moment they end the mission. This is when, instead of reevaluating their strategy, they punish themselves for the failure to not do. The cycle repeats, and the person spirals into rumination about their stress.

I didn't just stop biting my nails. I started trimming them instead.

What I'm trying to say is that blocking and working on the "deeper" issues are stronger when used synergistically, it doesn't have to be an either or.

  I am just some rando on the internet and only share
  what I hope will help.  In no way is the below a
  replacement for professional counseling.

My first recommendation is to try to not beat yourself up about this. No one knows how to hurt you more than yourself.

My second recommendation is to take small steps and allow yourself time for each new habit to become entrenched. For example, keep your phone in your pocket instead of visibly near. Once that feels natural, incorporate the next habit which you feel reduces the device's prominence in daily life.

> I have tried all kinds of blocking software and strategies. Blocking software, however elaborate, never seems to make a different.

As others have mentioned and you describe, using an app on the device to alter dependency on the device likely will not work as the device remains the focal point.

> This is a really tough nut to crack. I think there is probably no technological solution to it.

It is and I believe you are entirely correct in identifying "no technological solution to it." If we pursue this hypothesis to its logical conclusion, then one or more solutions must exist outside the technical space. Which suggests a solution might be found in the behavioral space as the two actors in this scenario are a person and a device.

I'm not saying this will be easy nor simple, only that I hope you find peace in finding your solution.

This is the thing; the brain is not actually comfortable just sitting idle with the reins slack. There's got to be some stimulus. I don't think there's any real solution other than finding a displacement activity. I know somebody who weaned themselves off smoking by developing a Gameboy Tetris addiction instead.

Other than going out and trying to be social, there's a whole range of "something to do with your hands" activities. If you take up knitting then at least at the end of it you have a scarf. Myself, I'm trying to train myself to open one of the language learning apps every time I think I'm spending time scrolling.

I figure the accessibility of phones are what makes the mindless scrooling habit so dangerous.

I mean I keep my beer in the garage to not drink as much.

One thing I found very helpful was to regularly practice mindfulness meditation, as it reduces my desire for entertainment and generally seems to improve my executive function a lot. It also caused other improvements to my well-being in general.

Regarding a technological solution to blocking, I did the following (on Android, I can handle myself on non-portable devices):

1: Use adguard to block the relevant addresses on DNS level. I chose adguard specifically because it allows setting regex-like patterns on what addresses to block, eliminating loop holes.

2: Use applock (I haven't informed if applock specifically is better or worse than alternatives) to require a passcode when opening settings, when opening adguard, and when opening applock itself. Store this passcode in a way that it's cumbersome but possible to reach. Ask a friend or relative to set and store it for you if necessary.

3: Remove the icons of adguard and applock from the home screen, so that they are only reachable through settings -> apps.

This has worked well for me. It's cumbersome enough to discourage me from deactivating it. It's not so cumbersome that I can't update the block list if necessary. It's flexible enough that I can very precisely choose what to block and what not. And it's specialized for (android) smartphones, which are the worst scrolling addiction drivers.

You could also throw in Google parental controls to stop yourself from downloading apps if necessary, but I found that DNS blocks are enough for me.

If you struggle with other devices as well, like TVs, consider whether you can get away with not owning these devices at all.

All that being said, professional psychological help for addiction and executive dysfunction exists. That would have been my last resort if the methods mentioned above hadn't turned out to be sufficient for me.

Good luck, don't give up.

The confusing thing is sometimes I have days when I do manage to do work, but I can never see what I do differently on those days to other days.

At least for me this is the pattern I had before I had a good enough dose of meds.

Also, a good idea is to explain what you’re experiencing to the paychiatrist - he may recommend different meds or increasing the dosage.

I procrastinated so badly I could never apply for jobs. And the jobs I did get I lost quickly due to the same procrastination.

I think the programmers in most environments aren't judged based on some hard metrics that could say someone procrastinated half of the time and could have done twice as much.

Most judgement comes from remembering whether anything has been done at all, and if yes then whether it was sunbathing of quality. People (I at least) will rate higher someone who worked less but contributed higher quality code. Also good contributions to discussion, mentoring juniors is something a procrastinator might not even think is work but is valued highly.

And even while procrastinating some part of your brain often thinks about problem so the time isn't completely lost.

All in all procrastinators aren't as bad as it sounds unless we get into some deep pathology.

But procrastination problems don't mean infinite procrastination. It's just that work keeps piling up and then it has to be done in a burst when it has to really be done. I find this doesn't necessarily mean my output is less (in the short term), it's just that it's exhausting.

Also productivity requirements at work, no matter how fancy workolace, are typically way less than you may think. Just showing up and not actively cause grief goes a long way.

What you tend to see publicly is people in their productive phases, or quite exceptional outliers, or just messaging.

For the sake of analogy, I feel like I wanted to be a photographer and take beautiful and artistic pictures, but in reality, I just take school pictures for a living.

Now, I do believe there are passionate jobs with passionate programmers out there, but:

1. I do not know where nor with whom one would even find such roles.

2. My lack of skill would be more burdensome than helpful for such teams. I'm not new either. I've been at this game for over a decade now.

So, I am stuck in this procrastination loop -- I lack the skills to better my situation, but I also feel so far behind that I, at some level, believe I am incapable of ever being able to find/retain such a job.

Long story short, I am not sure what your particular reasons are for procrastinating, but brother/sister, I don't blame you one bit for it.

seems like you are also suffering from imposter syndrome. if you have been doing this for over a decade you should have learned something.

I lack the skills to better my situation

practice. work on a side project. follow and implement tutorials. contribute to FOSS projects. (contact me if you want some suggestions. see my profile)

I find accepting and making peace with my problems (paradoxically) helps improve the problem.

I am going through a particularly low dip right now. I haven't done any work in the last 4 days. I tried a 4 minute pomodoro timer yesterday and 2 minutes in I was already completely off task.

In the past I would panic, worry, think "Why me and my terrible executive function?" or "What if I can never do anything again ever". Instead I am accepting that this is the issue I have and keeping a curious, open mind to possible solutions. I'm trying out taking longer breaks, changing up my workspace, body doubling, nutrition, timers, not trying to do anything etc.

I'm sure it will swing back the other way in its own time.

Of course I would love to be able to be consistently able to work, but that is not a reality for me. In the same way I would love to be able to run 100m in 9.6 seconds but that is also just not realistic.

Other comments here are good too: eat well, sleep enough, exercise regularly. This is a good baseline to have but these things alone never fixed my issues.

I don't know how you do that, i am so close to just ending it all because i cannot continue like this.

For me there are three major emotions that get in the way of task completion: excitement, boredom and anxiety.

Excitement is usually for some other task. I'm working on my tax return and I think about upgrading my washer/drying. Suddenly I'm researching all the different types, the best deal on one, the history of the washer/dryer. It might be a task on my to do list somewhere, but I was driven to do it by the excitement.

Anxiety is a tricky one. If I'm writing something like an email anxiety often gets the better of me. What if this isn't the right way to do it? What if it comes off as rude. This ties in to perfectionism too.

Boredom is usually overtaken by one of the other emotions, but sometimes it appears on its own. I've got to input these numbers into some old, janky piece of software. It's probably not that hard or long of a task, but it feels so pointless. I'm just wasting so much time doing this task when I could be doing something more efficient and more meaningful.

If you can solve these emotional issues then pretty much any todo list app (or just a notebook) will be fine.

* Eat, sleep and exercise. Have you ever snapped at someone you love because you were really really tired? You have less ability to control your emotions if you aren't on top of these things. When task planning it's easy to think only about the task at hand, but scheduling time to rest, go for a walk or have a snack can be helpful.

* Putting some 'distance' between myself and the task, however small or artificial. Often, I start writing an important email in a text editor instead of an email client. It just feels less 'real' and that reduces my anxiety and resistance. I wonder if doing a practice version of a task could help?

* Adding some kind of physical motion to a task. For example, if I'm sitting at my desk and I need to fill in a form, it always seems easier if I've come from just tidying up rather than another stationary task. Making tasks more physical seems to help.

* Naming the reason why I'm not doing a task can sometimes help but other times not. Saying "I'm feeling overwhelmed with this task" is 50/50 on whether it'll help or make me feel even worse.

* Usually when I'm feeling really stuck I know exactly what I need to do. I know that I haven't opened that email in my inbox. I could easily spend a week thinking about it hundreds of times but never actually doing it. I don't think a reminder or a nudge would help me, because I'm already constantly reminding myself. The times I find reminders and nudges helpful are when I can complete the task right then and there with little resistance. For example: If I put a drink in the freezer to cool it down quickly, I always set a timer. When the time off the task of removing the drink has no stress or anxiety, so I always do it. If I don't set the timer I am very likely to forget the drink. I have tried setting reminders and timers for tasks that I procrastinate on but it never really works. If a task is overwhelming you now and you delay it by 1 hour or 1 day, it's probably still going to overwhelm you later.

All through the test I felt like I was crushing it. Spacial reasoning, pattern recognition, memory tasks. When the results came back I got 135 on spatial reasoning but 89 on processing speed and working memory.

Looking back on my life I realize I had always made up for limited working memory with systems, mnemonics and other techniques. When you've lived your whole life with a limitation you can have a huge blind spot. You've never known what it's like to have "normal" working memory.

My working memory is also hopeless with context switching. If I'm juggling three contexts at once, odds are I will lose working memory of all three (or was it four? ;-).

When I look back at my life, I've absolutely had to compensate for all that, but most of the "compensation" is just acknowledging the limitations. Memorizing dates and times just isn't going to happen (add time blindness compounds the problem), names of people & places are going to be impossible, etc. The closest thing I have to a compensation technique is the crutch that is hyperfocus.

However, when it comes to information (i.e. data that has some kind of meaning), I seem to be able to do much better than most, to the point where people often remind me that I need to consider that everyone else isn't able to keep all that context in their head at once. I can't speed read, but I can digest material with complex subject matter, analyze complex problems, etc. just faster and seemingly more easily than a lot of people. Some of that is likely due to other factors, but working memory is definitely an asset.

I remember a close friend getting frustrated administering a working memory test on me. She couldn't believe how far removed from the norm my working memory capacity was given everything else she knew about me.

I have lots of things I want to write about but I feel completely anxious about putting my ideas out there, even got relatively simple, straightforward things.

How do you push through the anxiety and actually put things out there?

Lay out your main topic and your initial thoughts. Let it do the anxiety-inducing part.

You just need a starting ground.

Artists who fear the “blank canvas” use a similar strategy - make large, loose brush strokes and create from chaos.

Don't underestimate how bad ADHD (and related issues like anxiety, depression, rejection sensitivity) can be.

Now that I've been diagnosed I use a wide range of tools to improve my performance:

* Automation for start and end work tasks. I have Keyboard maestro open and arrange multiple windows on multiple monitors so that at the start of the work day I can press one button and get started. Or if I've gone off task I can close everything and simply hit one button to get back on task.

* Timers. I use many timers to remind me of important things and timebox chunks of work. I really like smart speakers as they are a low distraction device. I also use Horo on my computer and a garmin smartwatch with multiple vibration timers (great if you are in a situation where you need a timer but can't disturb others).

* Task separation. I use different folders and browser profiles for different tasks. The browser bar color changes to remind me which 'mode' I'm in. Downloads automatically go into their respective downloads folder so when I'm hunting for something after the fact it's usually much easier to find.

* Emotional skills. By far the biggest impact. Better than any tool, gadget, app or aphorism. Slowly learn to forgive and accept yourself even when you don't do anything. Spent the whole day watching youtube by accident? Fine. Didn't reply to that email for 6 months? It happens. Learning to see your big, uncontrollable emotions before they completely overtake you is also very valuable.

Overall ADHD is a disability and will have large effects on your career. You can take action to ameliorate some of these effects but you'll generally be behind a similar person without ADHD.