What is also useful to keep in mind is the tendency to recreate your primary family life in the workplace. So if you had critical controlling parents who never valued you and everything you ever did was worthless, then you'll tend to select for those places and it is often done outside of awareness.
Was your primary family spent being valued and appreciated? Then you'll select for that and when people start to not value you, you'll intervene earlier to correct for it and you'll have the skills to do that.
Did your parents respect your boundaries growing up? Were you able to erect strong boundaries and have people listen to you when they over stepped, or were you constantly put down and your wishes ignored? A lack of skills in erecting proper boundaries and then maintaining them by being in the goldilocks zone of not too soft and too hard can lead to issues in the workplace and personal life.
First step is bringing this in to awareness so you can look back with hindsight, next step (the hardest) is mid-sight, you know you are doing or not the doing the thing you need to do but can't do it or don't know how. There there is foresight, hey I normally do this thing that's not good for me here, I had better do the thing I need to do to keep this situation positive.
Keep this mantra in mind:
You are the only in charge of you and your emotions, no one makes you do anything, and you will protect yourself.
Awareness + skills = ability. Psychotherapy (not counselling) is what you need to look out for. Combine that with Transactional Analysis and it makes you very very effective.
The psychological basis is most probably one of the main forces.. your job is your survival, just like your parents were. Very often your refuse to challenge limit or keep boundaries because of the same fear of being ousted and out of options.
It's both very useful to get out of this pit, and also sad.. because our lives are not supposed to be fully transactional. We prefer to have a group with who we share more than notarial duties.
I'll add to the general consensus here that this is an extremely valuable comment. At least for me it closely resonates with things I am only now discovering, at an age close to 40; the (in)ability to set and guard boundaries is super dependent upon early life and upbringing.
This is true, but it's worth taking a step up a meta level.
People who don't believe they deserve to have their boundaries respected also don't tend to do things that will garner them the power that enables them to do so.
The amount of power we have is not at all fixed. It can be changed by our choices and is meaningful mostly relative to the power of the people around us, and we also have a lot of choice around who those people are.
In short, people who want their boundaries respected tend to work to avoid getting into situations where they aren't able to enforce them.
Setting boundaries implies conflict management. Most people have some power, but many fear to use their power because it risks conflict.
Navigating conflict is hard.
Many people are conflict avoiders, and they struggle to set boundaries. People pleasers or panderers in particular often cost themselves a lot to avoid conflict.
You do need a certain degree of leverage. I think especially in the tech sector, people often do not realize how much leverage they have, and how a little pushback can go a long way. It is sometimes worth asking and testing: “Are they really going to fire me for this?”
Good advice. Psychological transference is a closely related term. But it’s easy to take that framework too far and eventually get to where you blame things like schizophrenia or ptsd on the mothers. People who grew up in shitty families probably have plenty of insight already. A lot of human behavior is determined rather than the result of free will. If you had a bad mom, it may be better to just lower expectations than try to “fix”yourself and become the CEO. And taking drugs like ssri or adderal helps many in their careers where psychotherapy might not. Freud loved cocaine.
Incredible comment, thank you. I can't believe I read this for free. This is probably years of distilled behavior science applied to a workplace-specific environment.
This is interesting. I could imagine that it's not exactly that you are selecting for the same dysfunction. Maybe it's rather that you don't know what functional looks like, and therefore can't as easily find a place that fits or steer your current place in the right dirrection?
Our organism’s primary goal is survival. Unknown territory will feel unsafe and thus stressful, up to the point of unreal, even if on a rational level it may actually be safer. It takes courage to face and calm those fears without consciously or unconsciously returning to known survival strategies - and meta cognition skills to sufficiently distance yourself from those past emotional memories. After all, they allowed you to survive.
This is interesting and I've also seen this sort of psychoanalysis applied to relationships, but I'm skeptical and don't understand the evidence for these sorts of analyses.
What convinced you? Any particularly compelling resources re: the evidence and methodology for these theories?
I'd like to see a comparison between, say, how many people want to customize their scroll speed (hard on linux, easy in windows/macos) and some other use cases, like how many people to sandbox and control permissions for individual apps (easy on Linux using Flatseal, hard on window/macos).
Then we can get a better sense of how niche these demands are, and how well these desktop OSes support them
Interestingly South Korea is much more accepting of a greater power distance than say the UK [0]. In such situations having a clear line of communication from the bottom to the top on actionable items can be difficult.
This possibly sounds like being over tired. Are you able to fully relax at different points in the day, or would you say you are an always on the go type? If the latter it could be you have a sleep/relaxation deficit that the napping can't pay back.
I always thought that if you took the coastline of Turkey and created a mountain range out of it, you would have a basic representation of Mordor. Then took Gondor mainly based around the city of Minas Tirith, Rohan based mainly around Edoras etc. and you would have the Greek City states. Minas Ithil would be Troy or other overrun ex colonies of the early Greeks. And then you have the Haradrim et al and they look a lot like the Persian empire.
There are many other aspects as well such as the last stand at the Battle of the Black Gate being a lot like the Battle of Marathon.
So to me the Lord of the Rings in some parts often sounds like the defense against the Persian Empire (there are various aspects that don't fit of course), so to only see it through the myopic eyes of Identity politics is I agree lazy.
How about a map of Europe at the time of the invasion of the Huns? Mordor is the realm of the Huns, Rohan is the German tribes, Gondor is the Franks or perhaps the crumbling Roman Empire.
The legends in the Niebelungelied is from this time.
SARS(v1) (2003 now died out) still shows memory T cells 17 years later with no additional exposures.
SARS(v1) T cells show robust cross-reactivity with the N protein of SARS-Cov-2 i.e. good chance of immunity to SARS-Cov-2.
Additionally some people no exposure to SARS(v1) or SARS-Cov-2 have SARS-Cov-2 memory T-Cells present possible expoure to Beta-Cov viruses from animals.
These people also have low homology to the common cold viruses.
The outlook is good for immunity being remembered for a long period of time and will be valid against other forms of Betacovid viruses. Best news I've heard in a long time.
I grew up in Neston which is about 6 miles away. We used to get there on our bikes along an old dis-used railway line that was converted in to a walking path called the Wirral Way and pretty much allows you to go the whole length of the Wirral (a peninsular of land between the River Dee and the River Mersey), without touching a single road (there's that one quiet road in Heswall...).
You can then come off at points and explore relatively large parks like this one. We had such freedom as young as 11 ranging out and no-one ever new we were out that far.
The whole area of Thurstaston Common for a kid is like a giants playground. You run up and down the rocks, all moulded and curved with the water, the footfalls and general life going on around it. 30 years ago it was covered in graffiti maybe not so much but it was always drawing people there. My Dad went there as a child.
What you can't see from the photos is that you are on a high point looking over the River Dee with it's salt water marsh land, beeches and on the other side is Wales and the mountains with Moel Famau peaking in the distance.
And while the it might the graffiti might not be so great there is a beautiful history to the life spent around it. Not far from there is a vantage point that many Viking coins are found. As if people sat down and they fell out of their pockets. There were Viking longboats unearthed not far to the north.
If you ever get the chance its one of the most beautiful places you'll see in that quiet, reserved kind of a way.
Was your primary family spent being valued and appreciated? Then you'll select for that and when people start to not value you, you'll intervene earlier to correct for it and you'll have the skills to do that.
Did your parents respect your boundaries growing up? Were you able to erect strong boundaries and have people listen to you when they over stepped, or were you constantly put down and your wishes ignored? A lack of skills in erecting proper boundaries and then maintaining them by being in the goldilocks zone of not too soft and too hard can lead to issues in the workplace and personal life.
First step is bringing this in to awareness so you can look back with hindsight, next step (the hardest) is mid-sight, you know you are doing or not the doing the thing you need to do but can't do it or don't know how. There there is foresight, hey I normally do this thing that's not good for me here, I had better do the thing I need to do to keep this situation positive.
Keep this mantra in mind: You are the only in charge of you and your emotions, no one makes you do anything, and you will protect yourself.
Awareness + skills = ability. Psychotherapy (not counselling) is what you need to look out for. Combine that with Transactional Analysis and it makes you very very effective.