Between your mom's comments and your statement about your parents, it sounds like you had a very challenging upbringing that obviously has shaped your world view. And I can't argue with that...

But I want to throw in that this is not the default experience. For example, my wife and I love taking care of our little kids although it's obviously challenging. The thing you get out of it is that it's deeply meaningful. I had "more fun" single (eg, would go to 20 countries every year) but to continue that lifestyle, childless, into my 40s, would have been sad. In contrast, I now love being a suburban dad who's all about the family.

Similarly, as our parents age we know we will be there for them even if that presents its own challenges. There's no part of me that would feel better if I told my kids and parents to go fucks themselves to focus on my hobbies.

I guess it goes back to the parents. Our parents modeled good parenthood for us and we want to keep doing it, and to also repay them as they need us. It's not an onerous obligation - we're happy to do it. But we're lucky to have had good parents.

I was 8 years old when I realized there is no god and I'm going to die and just disappear into nothingness and all I'd done and will ever do would mean nothing anymore. I told my parents and they tried to keep the happy story of heaven and all that going, but I just never could believe any of it no matter how much I wanted to. I can't imagine what I would tell a child since I don't have religion; I think it's a quite important component that I am simply unable to participate in. Plus college expenses are only going up and it seems pretty grim for the kids if they don't go.

I don’t get that attitude frankly. The reason you are here is testament to all the generations of your ancestors. If you had and raised good children that’s the obvious thing that will go on well past you.

If you create ideas, help people, etc then that outlives you too. It’s unfortunate your parents weren’t able to explain it like this.

I wouldn’t worry about college cost. That stuff is getting disrupted.

How many of your ancestors can you name? I can name one of my 8 great-great grandfathers (theoretically I have 8 but it was a small town and these things are not perfect) because I dug the grave for his youngest daughter myself and saw his tombstone. That is all he is to me. I cannot name any others. Eventually your children will be as forgotten as my ancestors.

I’m not saying not to enjoy the time we have here, but that doesn’t mean that that comes easy or that the burdens of existence are ones I would wish on a child.

You do you. I love the idea that in the future, thousands of people might descend from me. If they don't know my name - who cares? It's not about me, it's about them!

If you never meet them and they do not know who you are, it would seem that they are effectively strangers. I’ve long accepted that this is just something I perceive differently than others. What bothers me is the idea that it’s just some thoughtless, selfish; never-want-to-growup affectation that those who do not wish to have children posses; some of us have thought through things quite thoroughly, and perhaps have reasons you do not seem to have considered.

I will also say that if you are concerned about future people, I would endeavor to take on climate change in any way I could if I were you. That sure isn’t looking too good either. It actually makes me quite glad I never wanted children due to all the above stuff; it’s another conversation I’m glad I’ll never have to have. Frankly I’m continually stunned that more parents aren’t outraged over what we’re doing to the world. I’m sure they have more near-term worries (as I said they’ve got to pay exorbitant college bills and all that), but the consequences sure look like they’re already starting to bite.

When I just came to the US in 1993, I remember a crazy-looking substitute teacher walking into our 6th grade class and deciding to share his peak oil anxiety with us and the logical conclusion that people shouldn't have kids because of it.

I am convinced that now that "peak oil" is no longer a popular concern, exactly 0 people said "oops, I guess I should have had kids" - they just pivoted to using climate as their retroactive justification for their decision.

So you're right to observe that the kinds of people who become parents are less likely to be paralyzed by climate anxiety but I suspect there is a very strong self-selection bias in either group, and if climate was "solved" tomorrow, people with existential anxiety would find something else to justify their anxiety with.

The fact is there was always "a reason" to be existentially anxious: plagues, poverty, communism, nuclear, terrorism, etc. And yet people who "ignored" those problems and went on to have kids were right to do so.

> The fact is there was always "a reason" to be existentially anxious

I would add the certainly of death and the extinction of consciousness and all you ever were to that list, but as we've established, I'm a bit preoccupied with that one personally.

Have you considered that there are more authoritative sources of climate science than your "crazy-looking substitute teacher"?

Who cares about my ancestors? I never understood that or the whole 'leaving a legacy' bit. Just want to live my life and fade away like I was never there.

You do you - just recognize that your reality isn't the reality for billions of people who feel deeply connected to their ancestors and descendants.

> My mother told me on my 12th birthday not to make the same mistake she did

I don't want to read into your family situation at all, but this seems like an extremely weird thing to say to your pre-teen. Could she not wait for you to be a bit older?

It was a great deterrent to teen pregnancy; never got anybody pregnant!